


Favor

by TinderWulf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Betting, Brief Aria/Shep, Brief Shep/Jax, Brief Shep/Zaeed, F/M, Hypothermia, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23641162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinderWulf/pseuds/TinderWulf
Summary: The last time Admiral Steven Hackett asked Shepard for a personal favor, it got her a court-martial.With the war won and the galaxy rebuilding, Shepard finds herself at the end of another request from her superior.
Relationships: Steven Hackett/Female Shepard
Comments: 79
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As usual I don't own the universe, characters blah blah. 
> 
> I do, however, owe Melpomene21 are huge ass THANK YOU for partnering up with me on this to help me get it finished. She's an incredible lady!
> 
> I started this fic with one line in mind, and it turned into this beast. 
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> * * *

“A favor,” Shepard repeated evenly. She’d about had her fill of the Alliance. Liara’s offer sounded sweeter and sweeter with each bullshit mission she was having to do. Had she not done enough during the war? The Council. The Alliance. _Hackett._ They all continued to treat her like a child’s toy, something they could throw in every which direction as it suited their silliest whims.

Now here she was, in the middle of nowhere, while the silver-haired Admiral, wrapped in the cobalt blue of his Alliance uniform heavy with medals and bars while he stood in _her_ briefing room like he owned it. Shepard supposed he did. The _Normandy_ was an Alliance vessel afterall, no matter how unfair she thought that was. But it was still her space. Her livelihood. Her damned home.

“The last favor I did for you got me court-martialed.”

Hackett’s expression was unmoving. Not even a tiny bit a guilt showed. “I didn’t know Kenson was indoctrinated.”

Shepard snorted and moved toward the viewport, preferring the emptiness of space to the blankness of the Admiral’s expression. “Being a Shadow Broker agent is sounding really good right now, Admiral,” she commented into the silence. She could imagine it, moreso with each passing day. Disappearing amongst those stars, a flickering light among many, doing as she pleased and when she pleased.

“A promotion for a favor, then,” he offered.

Her head turned to him. “You bribing a Spectre? Classy.” She began to pace around the little room. Promotions usually meant more bullshit - not what she was looking for. But the right one could mean more anonymity. More control of her time, her crew, her ship. 

“Shepard, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important,” he forced out, the timbre of his voice wavering, his mask showing some wear. 

_Interesting._

She halted, her eyes squinting, ferreting out the details of this new wrinkle.. “I should’ve been promoted years ago. Hell, after every insane thing I’ve done, I should have _your_ job.” His mouth snapped closed. She fought the smirk that tugged at the corners of her mouth, feeling just a little bit pleased and visibly relaxing her posture. “Oh don’t look at me like that. We both know I’d strangle leadership in meetings. But I will not put my life and character on the line for a personal favor over one tiny little promotion.”

“Two ranks,” he offered.

“Three,” she argued. “Or find another pawn.”

Hackett’s eyes squinted dangerously. “I could just take your rank and your ship right now.”

Shepard chuckled, “I’d like to see you try.” She looked up to the ceiling of the small conference room out of sheer habit, as if speaking to an angel or a god. “Joker, do a quick poll. How many of my crew would go pirate with me?”

Silence reigned between them as she waited. No one could pay her enough to be a politician, or to negotiate treaties and deals. But after all her time in his service, he should know better than to try to threaten to take her ship.

[Looks like the vote is all in favor, Commander,] Joker said before the line went silent. She could almost hear him snickering from the bridge. Maybe he was a god.

She leaned forward, bolstered by her loyal crew that stood behind her through all. Pressing her hands against the low table, she growled, “I don’t need you, Hackett. I sure as hell don’t need a promotion, but I’ll be damned if I take the hit for you again over private matters and get nothing in return.” She stood, folding her arms across her chest. “You come on my ship and make demands outside of Alliance channels and you expect me to bow to your fucking feet? Like I did last time?”

“I appreciate you keeping me out of it, Shepard,” Hackett told her quietly.

“I only did so because the Reapers were on our heels. You treat me as an afterthought, expendable.”

“You are not expendable,” he argued roughly, his eyes flashing in anger. “You are the best. No one compares to your skill and experience!”

“Then stop treating me like some little slave that will suck you off the second you fancy it,” she returned with just as much heat.

“You have always been a pain in my side, Shepard.” Hackett sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as he took a seat at the table. “Since you were a little brat. Now you’re a big brat and still my favorite.”

He went _there_. To that history between them that could never be taken away. She didn’t blame him, whenever she found herself on the ropes she didn’t pull any punches either. Her ire cooled, standing there watching him sit at the small table, following the line of the scar that traveled along his cheek. “Going to remind me of the crush I had on you, too?” She asked, her annoyance waning.

“Crush?” Surprise lit his icy blue eyes when he looked up. “When was this?”

“Classified,” she grumbled. He smirked that same, stupid smirk that he had the first time her heart had fluttered at the age of fourteen. “The smirk doesn’t work on me anymore, old man.”

His eyes had softened looking up at her. “Do you remember when I used to give you piggy back rides?” He asked.

“No,” she lied. A sadness skidded across his eyes before he blinked. _Damned man._ “Three rank promotion and you follow my orders,” she barked.

“Do I get the Captain’s cabin during my stay?” He asked with a cheeky grin. _The jerk._

“No. I don’t need you knowing what my underwear look like,” she answered flatly.

His chuckle made her sigh. She knew what was coming, the teasing that always came. “What? No more pink panties with rainbows?” Some days she hated that people watched her grow up and embarrass herself. At least her mother had stopped making her wear dresses.

It was Shepard’s turn to pinch the bridge of her nose in frustration as she bowed her head. It only made Hackett bark with laughter. She tensed when his hand gripped her shoulder before his mouth pressed to her forehead in a chaste kiss. He hadn’t done that since she left for the Alliance at age eighteen.

“Three rank promotion, I’ll follow your orders, and I’ll sleep in whatever room is available,” he said quietly. “Deal?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Who’s going to run the Alliance while you’re gallivanting across the damn galaxy?”

“Hannah,” he replied. “So,” he started as he led her from the meeting room. “When was this crush?”

“Oh, fuck off,” Shepard muttered.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a long time since he’d dined with the crew, but on a ship this small it was expected. At least that was how EDI made it sound. The trick, as a new part of the crew, was waiting until the Captain of the vessel, and her XO, was seated. It wouldn’t do well for him to choose the wrong seat at the first meal.

It was no surprise Shepard chose the head of the table. Some things weren’t outgrown. Garrus Vakarian sat at her left. Hackett took the right.

“Shepard, you wished to be informed when there was a bet on a sensitive subject,” EDI stated as she stood behind Joker’s chair.

“What is it?” She asked.

“Come on!” Joker complained. Hackett watched with amusement as the pilot buckled under the Commander’s glare. “The average age a person lost their virginity and/or who they lost it to by species.”

Shepard snorted, “Hundred on turian,” she answered. Hackett nearly choked on his water when she and Garrus fist bumped. “Put me in for a hundred on the age…” she tapped the table. “Seventeen.”

“You lost your virginity to a turian?” A woman asked, sounding scandalized. It was the comm specialist Hackett thought, but he wasn’t entirely sure.

“Yes, is the place of said act in the bet, too?”

“No,” Joker replied, “But I can add it.”

“I’ll text it,” Shepard answered easily. “A hundred credits it’s the most popular.”

Hackett did his best to tune out the answers to the questions Shepard was receiving. “Do you all do anything normal on this ship?” Hackett asked once it had quietened.

“We are the product of our work,” Vakarian replied, his mandible flickering in amusement. “On the SR1, we bet on how long it would take Wrex to force Williams from the cargo hold after a particularly large meal.”

“Who won?” Vega asked.

“Shepard,” Garrus replied easily. “She got it down to the second.”

“Three minutes and forty seven seconds,” Joker announced. “Williams ran for the elevator.”

“Are there any unfinished bets?” Hackett asked. He probably shouldn’t have but he was a curious soldier.

“How long Alenko would last in bed,” Joker replied after scanning his omnitool.

“Seven minutes and sixteen seconds,” Shepard stated making the whole crew whip their heads around to her. “What? I couldn’t sleep and he’d been following me around wagging his tongue so I took him to bed.”

“Well,” Garrus said with a sigh. “It’s a little mean to insult the dead but really? That’s it?”

“I got off,” Shepard said with a shrug. “Who won?”

“Didn’t those credits go down with the _Normandy_?” Joker asked quietly. At Shepard’s nod, he opened his omnitool again. “Looks like Adams won that bet!”

“About time my luck started changing,” the engineer commented from the end of the table.

“You win no credits because they all burned with the original _Normandy_!” Joker congratulated.

Adams sighed, “And I’m back to square one.”

This was an odd bunch, Hackett thought. Weird bets centered around sex, Shepard closing bets that were years old by remembering exactly how long a man had lasted in bed. It was a pretty lousy time unless they were going for a quickie, which seems likely.

“Any other bets?” Shepard asked, pulling Hackett from his thoughts.

“Who has the nicest ass on the ship,” Williams chimed in as she joined the crew. “And you can’t vote for yourself.”

“We doing just one or one of each gender?” Shepard inquired.

Hackett watched with amusement as Shepard thought about her votes once she’d paid in. At least until her gaze turned toward him.

“Stand up and turn around,” she ordered.

“Not happening,” he answered with a smirk.

“Fine,” she told him before turning back to Joker. “Tali and Zaeed.”

“I knew it! You want me,” a rough voice called.

“I didn’t say I wanted to bed you, old man, just that you have a nice ass!” Shepard called out. Shaking his head, Hackett finished his meal and got up to take care of his tray only to hear Shepard say, “I change my vote to Hackett!”

“I practically raised you,” he grumbled as he tried not to blush under the gaze of the crew and Zaeed’s menacing glare. “Don’t act like you didn’t steal women right out from under me, Massani.”

“Fair enough,” the old merc replied.

Making his way to his cabin, he tried to get his mind off of the fun and back down to business. There was intel to get through as they made their way to their first lead.

* * *

> __
> 
> _EDI: Admiral, would you like to participate in the bets available?_
> 
> _Hackett: Storage closet, Shepard and Zaeed._
> 
> _EDI: That’s two hundred credits. Please transfer to the ships account._
> 
> __


	3. Chapter 3

Shepard strode into Hackett’s quarters expecting him to be up and ready for the mission. Instead, he was sprawled out in bed snoring away. With a smirk, she jerked the sheet from his body while ignoring the tent in his shorts.

“I’m disappointed, Hackett,” Shepard scolded. “You were told to get up an hour ago.”

The man grumbled as he sat up and threw his legs over the side of the bed. “Cut me some slack, it’s been a long time since I’ve ridden in a ship this small and quiet.”

“You think because you’ve known me for so long that I’d go easy on you?”

“You’re still my favorite,” he commented.

“That doesn’t work anymore,” she told him. It hadn’t worked since she was twenty. “Get your ass up and get ready. We move out in thirty and you damned well better not get shot because you’re sleepy.”

“Slave driver,” Hackett complained as he rose from the bed.

“You never complain when you get the results you want. Get in gear,” she ordered as she walked out the door.

Garrus and Tali were already waiting for her in the cargo hold. The mission was supposed to be simple. Cut down any Cerberus leftovers, retrieve information, then take said resources for themselves. Hackett didn’t know about all of the stations and buildings that Cerberus had, he didn’t need to. Some went to the Council, others to Liara. There was one or two that she’d liked so she saved for herself.

The one they were going to today was a weapons research facility that held some kind of information Hackett needed. The facility would in turn be given to the Alliance.

The sound of the elevator opening told her the man had finally arrived. “Why do we need a fourth, Shepard?” Tali asked.

“Because I don’t know if Hackett is any good in the field,” she answered easily.

“I heard that,” Hackett grumbled.

“You were supposed to,” she replied with a fake smile. “Let’s go. Joker, the deck is yours.”

[Aye, aye, Commander.]

* * *

“Another cold world?” Garrus complained. “Couldn’t Cerberus build facilities on a tropical planet?”

“They’re harder to find this way,” Shepard mumbled as she unlocked the door.

“No power other than the entrance,” Tali said as she worked on her omnitool. “The door hasn’t been opened in two years.”

“Abandoned during the war? That’s odd,” Garrus said quietly.

They made their way through the base slowly. Shepard never liked empty places, that usually meant malfunctioning VIs. The lack of blood and bodies helped ease her paranoia, but only slightly.

Once they were in the control room, Shepard pulled up the system logs and began listening while the others were occupied.

> _The Illusive Man has ordered an inventory and shut down of this facility. The entirety of the station will be scattered on other projects in one week._
> 
> _-_
> 
> _We are two days to our deadline and our VI system is beginning to malfunction. I can’t even be sure these logs are being recorded._
> 
> _-_
> 
> _We found three people dead in their beds this morning. We have to pack the rest of the base in full armor and breathers. The Illusive Man is unconcerned._
> 
> _-_
> 
> _The VI began pouring toxic gas through the vents but were prepared…_   
> 

“Breathers on now,” Shepard ordered. “Tali, Garrus the VI went rogue. I need you both working against it so Hackett can get the files.”

When everyone was in position, she rebooted the system fully.

[No!] The VI screamed. This was like that space station all over again.

“It’s a virus,” Tali said as her fingers worked on a terminal. “I can fix it.”

It was always something with Cerberus. Alarms began blaring the harder Garrus and Tali worked. The VI stuttered and screeched reminding her of poor David.

“It looks like that facility we shut down while we were hunting collectors was picked clean by some Cerberus operatives,” Garrus said. “The mechs were added to the system and that’s how the virus got in.”

After several tense, long minutes, the facility came back online.

[Commander Shepard,] the VI said. [The logs have been updated. As per my programming, this facility belongs to you.]

“I’ll be transferring ownership to the Earth Systems Alliance,” she told it. “Under Admiral Steven Hackett. Update logs.”

[Logs updated. Would you like to purge the system files?]

“No,” Shepard answered.

“Why was it programmed to your ownership?” Hackett asked as he skimmed files on a terminal.

“Classified,” she replied. She didn’t miss his eyes darting her direction. He would suspect her part of Cerberus. That was nothing new and she was long past caring what anyone thought.

Once Hackett downloaded what he came for, they shut the system back down and made their way out. If it weren’t so cold, she might like this place. At least the view anyway.

As soon as they were docked, Shepard pushed Hackett into a corner by their lockers. “If you make me late for your OP again, you can find yourself another person to do your bidding.”

_That damn smirk._

“Aye, Aye,” he replied. When she turned and walked away, he called out. “You’re going back out?”

“You aren’t the only boss I have,” she replied.

“You could have just gone straight to the next assignment.”

“With you? In that armor?” She scoffed. “Not hardly.”

* * *

Hackett watched in confusion as she boarded the shuttle with her team and took off again. What was wrong with his armor? It had served him well.

“Lola’s next stop is Illium,” Vega commented. “I imagine you’ll be getting upgraded.”

“Is it really that old?” Hackett asked.

“It’s not that it’s an old set, Sir, it’s that weapons have changed.”

That made some sense. Did that mean his favorite weapons were no longer effective? Fucking hell he was too old for this nonsense. This OP was already weighing too heavily on him. If he could trust it to anyone else, he would gladly hand it over. As it was, he hadn’t even told Shepard. She would have to know eventually but the less she knew the better at this point.


	4. Chapter 4

A groan left his throat when cold air hit his skin. This was getting old. “Again?”

“Yep,” Shepard replied happily. “Time to go shopping on the Alliance’s dime!”

“Why do women like spending other people’s credits so much?” He asked as he rolled to his side and swung his legs off of the bed to sit up.

“Quit complaining and let’s go.”

He glanced over to her standing there with her feet planted and her arms crossed. The rumors were true. She had no idea what private space was, and she was horribly cruel to her guests. He cleared his throat. “You need to give me a minute.”

“Oh please, like your boner is more impressive than the rest I’ve seen,” she muttered as clothes hit his back. “Ever seen an elcor cock? Now those are impressive.”

“One: _Ouch_. Two: This is not the type of conversation you should have with me, Shepard. I’ve known you since you were in diapers.”

“Boohoo, poor Hackett can’t handle the non-virgin version of me.”

That wasn’t the problem. He handled that pretty well. Too well in fact. Kind of hard to miss the curves in skin tight underarmor. He was conflicted. She grew up around him and he’d always adored her. Then one day, his lanky, freckled-face favorite had been replaced by a gorgeous woman and a fierce soldier.

“If you don’t get a move on, I will buy you pink armor.”

“That explains Wrex’s armor,” he surmised as he rose from the bed. He most certainly didn’t want pink armor, half erection be damned. “Stop looking at my penis.” Her laughter absolutely wasn’t necessary.

* * *

Shepard dragged him all over the Illium markets. She was a force when negotiating prices. The way a few of the vendors rolled their eyes when they saw her told him she’d been here many times. She bartered and paid for delivery to the ship before she’d drag him to the next while at the same time avoiding lingering touches of a couple asari.

The woman multitasked amazingly well.

“Hey, buddy, my eyes are up here,” he heard Shepard say. Before he could step in, the human was on the ground holding his crotch while Shepard finished her purchase.

“My employee giving you trouble, Shepard?” A rough voice asked from behind.

“Not anymore, Jax. How’s business?” Shepard replied with a smile.

The krogan stepped over the gasping human. “Better since you’ve put a stop to thievery. How long are you in for?”

“Not long.”

“Long enough for me to buy you the dinner I promised?”

This… was not a conversation he really wanted to overhear. Especially seeing Shepard’s eyes twinkle like they were as she whispered to the old krogan. _She bedded turians and krogan?_ What was next, batarian? Hackett turned his back on whatever plans they were making and took in the area. It had been a long time since he’d been to Illium but it looked like little had changed. He supposed that was how things were on Asari ran worlds.

“I’m done,” Shepard said, pulling him out of his city gazing.

“Why did you need me?”

“I don’t know if you noticed but you were scanned three times for optimal fit,” she told him as she led the way toward the docking bay.

“You needed me for my measurements? You could have just scanned me.”

“Human measurements versus asari, volus, and salarian vary slightly. It makes a difference.”

He hadn’t realized it made much of a difference at all. “It isn’t pink is it?”

Shepard snorted, “No. You can choose your own paint job on the ship.”

* * *

Shepard had come to Illium many times and Jax always used the same pick up line. Not that she minded and she did appreciate the less vulgar way to publicly ask for sex.

A moan left her lips when his quad slapped against her clit. That was the great thing about krogan, any position offered stimulation. Her breasts pushed against the leather of the dress he requested she wear. He was the only reason she kept it.

“Shepard,” he growled when her fingers glided over his testicles.

“Yes, Jax?” She teased only for him to smack her rear. “I cured the genophage, you know,” she told him between thrusts. The coil tightened with each highly controlled jerk of his hips. “You need only to return to Tuchanka for a few days.”

She smiled when his hands moved from her hips to her shoulders for better leverage. The wet sounds of their joining and the snarls in her ear made her breath hitch as her orgasm closed in fast. Before she could warn him, she was crying out as her muscles convulsed around the thick cock inside of her. She moaned and whimpered when he picked up speed to find his own release. His low growl against her neck made her skin tingle as he twitched inside of her.

Jax never left her disappointed.

A shudder and hiss left her when he pulled himself free and dropped to his knees behind her. She wasn’t opposed to messy sex, but Jax, ever the gentleman, always cleaned up what escaped. With his tongue. His wide, rough, and very warm tongue. She had to admit that this was her favorite part. The foreplay after sex.

Jax growled against her cunt forcing a whimper from her as he worked her to another orgasm while cleaning up.

“Oh, right there,” Shepard breathed. His laughter made her moan as she rocked back against his tongue. Even Wrex hadn’t been this thorough. “Jax,” she begged.

Her scream was silent when the orgasm hit her out of nowhere. All she could do was grip the arm that was holding the couch she was bent over.

When she finally mustered the energy to open her eyes, Jax was carefully pulling up her panties. “Best krogan I’ve ever fucked,” she whispered, causing Jax to chuckle.

“I bet you say that to all the krogan you’ve bedded,” he teased while righting her dress.

“You are one of two and I’m not nice enough to tell him he was better than you,” she told him.

“Hah!”

“Thanks for the dinner, Jax.”

The krogan chuckled, “Always, Shepard. See you around.”

* * *

When Shepard returned to the ship, the crew was already gathered in the mess hall, minus Joker who was getting them on their way to their next destination.

“Shepard,” Garrus said as soon as she sat down. “You should know the bet is who you wore the dress for.”

“Is everyone’s guesses in?” She asked with a smirk. It was just like these nosey fucks to make a bet on her ‘date’.

[All except for Admiral Hackett,] EDI chimed in. [He stated it wouldn’t be fair since he was on Illium with you.]

Shepard looked over at him but he just shrugged. “Alright then. Jax.”

“YES!” Tali yelled. “Take that you bosh’tets!”

“A krogan? Really, Shepard?” Garrus asked as he shook his head. “Was the dinner worth it?”

Shepard looked down at her plate and back up to Garrus, “Spirits, yes,” then she ate like she was starving. Which she kind of was.

“If it was, then why are you back here eating?” Garrus asked. Sometimes she really wondered how the man got laid at all.

“It was a _sex_ date, Garrus,” Shepard said plainly making Hackett choke on his rice. “The only thing on the menu was sex.”

Garrus’ subvocals squeaked a few times before he asked, “Aren’t krogan phallus too big for humans?” He was seriously looking concerned.

“Human females are…very stretchy. It was a tight fit but we managed well enough,” she told him before patting his shoulder. “Don’t worry big guy. I’ll be a little sore tomorrow but that’s all.” 

Hackett groaned.

Garrus’ utensil clattered to the table as he covered his face with his hands. “You had sex with Wrex _on top_ of the Mako while I was in it, _didn’t you_?”

“It was a stressful mission,” Shepard replied with humor. She clapped him reassuringly on his shoulder. “We had a clear view of our surroundings, buddy. Don’t worry.”

“You said it was _maintenance_ ,” Garrus whined as he met her eyes.

Shepard pulled a face and tilted her head to the side slightly. “Technically, it was. You just hadn’t learned to read between the lines yet.”

“We need to discuss safety…” Garrus started.

Shepard interrupted. “Should I bring up the main guns and a certain quarian?”

Tali squeaked and kicked Garrus under the table. “Nope. We’re good, Shepard.”

“What’s a krogan like?” Westmoreland asked.

“You can look at Fornax for what their dick looks like,” Shepard answered matter of factly. “The sex is great, if you like rough sex, but keep in mind that rough for a human is fairly tender by krogan standards.”

She was able to finish her dinner without having to answer any more questions. There were times the betting got on her nerves, but it helped with morale. Although it was almost always sex related. Even when it wasn’t, like tonight, it usually turned into it, also like tonight.

“Hackett, bring your new armor up to the loft,” she told the man as she stood from her chair. “Give me fifteen. Vega! Send an updated version of the weapons too.”

“You got it, Lola!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone know what day it is? I know Ms_Sab does ^_^

The captain of the _Normandy_ was odd, he knew that. She had always been a bit eccentric. But that didn’t explain why she was making him take his crate of armor and his weapons to her cabin. Her _secluded_ cabin. Where he’d be _alone_ with her.

When he entered her space, she was standing at her locker in nothing but a short fluffy robe. Legs on display.

“I can wait outside,” he said as he set the crates by the fish tank he’d heard so much about.

“You’ve seen me naked a million times,” came her reply but he didn’t look in her direction.

“I have not seen you naked. When you were five you thought you could work out in the gym like the men. That was the only time I’ve seen you without a top.” That had been a funny memory. Not so much now because he truly wanted to see the swell of her breasts and the color of her nipples. He cleared his throat and those thoughts. “I will admit that was when you were into rainbow panties. And the color pink.”

He smiled when he heard her groan. “Don’t remind me of my poor fashion choices.” The locker closed. “I’m decent.”

When he turned around he closed his eyes. “That’s hardly better than the robe, Jane.”

“These are my workout clothes. Everyone on the ship has seen me like this.”

“Fine,” he said with a sigh. He could get through this. Whatever _this_ was. “Why am I here with my gear?”

“Did you want to learn how to put your new armor on with an audience?”

Ah. She meant to save him from embarrassment. He was just going to practice in his room. “And my weapons?”

“Mods. Grab your gear and move it to the bed.”

Once everything was laid out she leveled a glare on him. “What?” He asked, truly clueless.

“Underarmor?” He shook his head no. It was in his locker. She sighed like she was dealing with a child. The same sigh he’d used with her numerous times when she was trying his patience. “Strip.”

Instead of arguing, he just rolled his eyes and stripped to his boxer briefs. He was a little disappointed when her eyes didn’t linger. He worked hard for what he had which was pretty damn good for a man his age that sat behind a desk most of the time.

Hackett listened carefully as she went over his new armor, far more high-tech than his previous set. After she was done talking about each piece, she showed him the pattern to put it on, then how to remove it. Shepard made him practice alone while she sat on the bed and corrected any mistakes verbally.

After the sixth time, he was able to get in and out of it quickly.

“Great, box it back up and get your weapons.”

When he finally looked up, she was in his shirt. His _favorite_ shirt. “I’m going to need my shirt back, Jane,” he told her as he placed the crate by the door and hefted his weapons crate.

“I called dibs on it the second it hit my bed.”

“Am I supposed to do the walk of shame to the armory?”

She tilted her head to the side, a smirk on her pretty lips. “You think you’re the first one I’ve stolen clothes from?”

He shook his head and began to pull his pants back on while she busied herself with pulling out small boxes from under her bed. “But it’s my _favorite_ shirt,” he complained to take his mind off of the shapely ass in the air.

“Don’t be such a whine bag,” she told him. “I’ve got some reports to file, so go through these and read the specs.”

_Freaking, shirt-stealing woman_ , he groused to himself as the door swooshed open, cool air making goosebumps raise over his naked torso.

“Oh, and Hackett?” She called. He stopped and turned to look at her as she said, “For your information, my crew calls it: The Walk of Honor.”


	6. Chapter 6

They’d hit another base for Hackett’s precious information and she still had no idea what he was looking for. She’d tried to ask him but he’d been tight-lipped about it. Four bases and six weeks of whatever investigative work he’d been doing and she still had no clue. It was getting on her last damn nerve.

The current base they were in was a maze.

As a precaution, Shepard had brought Garrus and Tali again, only they’d managed to get separated along the way to the center of the large complex. She and Hackett made their way through the empty halls while marking the direction they came through.

The base had been abandoned for a long time. Much like Pragia had been, but this was yet another frozen world. She really hoped team dextro got the heat on soon if they beat Shepard and Hackett to the control room.

“Comms are still down,” Hackett told her.

When the ground vibrated she froze. There couldn’t possibly be a thresher maw. Could there? No, no, they had done thorough scans.

“Jane?”

“Keep moving,” she ordered, pushing the feeling of dread away. Before she could take more than a few steps, the metal warped above her before Hackett called her name.

* * *

“Jane!” Hackett yelled as the ceiling caved in over her. Ice and water poured through as he stumbled.

Fear clenched his gut as he tried to find her in the darkness while water continued to pour in. He dug frantically until he caught a familiar glint of a red shoulder pad. Hackett did his best to block the water as he shifted clumps of ice from her still body.

“Jane?” He called out but all he heard was gasping. “Damn it, roll to your side!” When he pushed the larger pieces away, he gripped her arm and pulled her back up the hall and out of the water that was already freezing as it continued to trickle in.

“Armor broke,” she whispered through chattering teeth. “Water inside.”

“Fuck, hold on.” Hackett pulled her to stand before dropping to his knees with his back to her. “On my back.” Her weight made him grunt before his new armor compensated but he needed the lights on his helmet so this was the only way to carry her and hold a weapon.

“I lied,” she whispered.

“About what?” He asked while he tried to keep himself calm.

“Always remember piggy back rides. Remember everything about you.”

Emotion clogged his throat as he rushed down the hall to the next door, hoping it functioned. He had to get her armor off of her. “Just hold me,” he told her, his voice thick.

The room didn’t open.

He rushed to the next door, then the next mentally cursing and praying that one of them would work. Her grip lessened with each passing door. Finally, a door opened. The room, from what he could see, was a complete mess. Everything strewn about like it had been robbed and maybe it had. Brushing trash off of a table, he carefully deposited Shepard before turning and beginning to undo her armor.

“Jane, talk to me,” he pleaded as he stripped her. Armor fell to the floor carelessly, whatever whisper that came from her mouth remained unheard. The underarmor zipper was frozen. Pulling his blade from his belt, he cut it off of her. “Sit up.” He helped her sit, her body shivering uncontrollably as he pulled the rest of the fabric off of her. He only paused for a second before he cut her bra and underwear. “Don’t move.”

Hackett searched through the mess, finding a dusty blanket. It was dry at least. He shook it out and returned to Shepard. “I want you to jog in place while I look around.”

He tried the comms again but all he got was static. This was a shitty time to lose communications. Moving through the room, he pressed the emergency override on a door he thought might be a storage closet. It was a small bunk room with actual bunk beds. There were packages of unopened bedding on the floor and what looked like two heating lamps. Whomever robbed this place did a piss poor job.

Returning to Shepard, who did little more than sway on her feet, he lifted her easily and carried her into the room. “Stand here and let me make the bed.” Once the door was secured behind him, he rushed to make the bed and maneuvered a shell-shocked Shepard to lie down on it before moving to the heat lamps.

_Please work._ The gentle buzz when he turned it on made him release a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Using a sheet, he rigged a tent top between the two bunks to keep the heat where he needed it.

“Hot,” Shepard complained as she rolled to the side and threw the blanket off of her.

“Jane, you have to keep a blanket on you,” he told her roughly when the soft glow of the lantern showed her naked, shivering body. “You’re hypothermic. I promise you that you aren’t hot.” Before covering her back up, he initiated a quick body scan that showed her core temperature sitting at eight-nine degrees. He had to get it up.

As quickly as he could, he sat on the bed next to her and tied more sheets to block them in while retaining as much heat as possible before he stripped himself. Her skin was like ice when he crawled into the bunk behind her. Suppressing an agonized shudder, he wrapped himself around her anyway.

“Stay awake,” he said, rubbing his hands along her forearms and biceps when he noticed her eyes drooping. “Jane!” Fucking hell. He shook her shoulder but she continued to try to fall asleep.

“Please don’t die on me,” he mumbled as he wrapped his arms and his body more tightly around her. 

For several long seconds all he could do was concentrate on her faint, shallow breaths and the almost imperceptible movement of her back against his chest as her lungs drew in and expelled air. And then his mind began to register the cool, slick skin of her thighs resting against his and how his stomach pressed against her lower back as he drew in worried breaths. He closed his eyes as he realized that it was her cold, hardened nipples that he was feeling along the sensitive skin of his inner forearms.

“God, give me strength,” the old, not-so-religious, Admiral prayed to whatever god might hear him as his body began to warm with feelings that were too strong and too long-suppressed to stop. “Shepard,” he whispered with hot breath against the shell of her ear. He moved his hands along her arms, rubbing the circulation back into them and trying to focus on the task at hand.

She moaned and moved her hips, rubbing her rear end against his offending appendage. “Hackett,” she whispered as she leaned her head back into the crook of his neck. It had not sounded like a question and it seemed to be laced with a longing that matched his. 

“Jane,” he moaned back, moving his hands over her arms, across her belly and up to her breasts. His body was on fire now, the blood boiling in his veins from the stimulation. But the heat transfer did not seem to be enough, she still felt ice cold within his embrace. He closed his eyes briefly, knowing what she needed. There wasn’t much time to weigh the consequences, he needed to act and act now. “I hope one day you’ll forgive me,” he whispered in her ear before moving his hand down her body and cupping her mound.

Her gasp and the way her body arched sent arousal straight to his groin.

“Move against my hand,” he told her. _Stay awake until you’re warmed up._ He knew she could feel his arousal pressed tightly against her, there was little he could do when she needed his body heat. Cold fingers threaded into his hair and her hips rocked against him. “Jane,” he moaned into her neck.

Fear made him freeze when she abruptly pulled away. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his back to give her space. His mind raced as he felt the mattress dip as she moved. _She’s moving. She’s alright. That’s all that matters._ He released a long breath, trying to calm himself.

Suddenly cold skin brushed against his abdomen as she straddled his hips clumsily. As soon as her breasts touched his chest he opened his eyes. For a moment his field of vision was flooded with the view before him. Her hair, tousled around her face, her lips faintly tinged with blue from her ordeal but parted slightly open to allow her warm breath to escape. The interesting line of her collarbone beneath porcelain-pale skin, her nipples just slightly darker in color than the milky swell of her breasts and further, down the line of her well-toned abdomen where their bodies met. He looked back up to her face. Their eyes met in the glow of the heater as ice-cold fingers struggled to grasp the edge of his boxer briefs.

Adjusting the sheets over them, he reached between them to aid her. He was breathing hard when she began to sink down on him, her cold body shivering against his heat. Once she was finally seated, Hackett wrapped his arms around shoulders and pulled her flush against him.

“Jane,” he whispered huskily. “Please.”

Their breath mingled as her hips slowly moved. He did his best to meet the movements while making her do most of the work. She was still cold and far from out of the woods, but it felt like torture not being able to force moans from her lips. When her body slowed, he panicked. “Damn it, Jane,” he growled. “This all you got? Bragging about fucking krogan? I must say I’m not impressed.” He chuckled when she growled at him, her hips grinding down into him roughly. “That’s more like it.”

“Jerk,” she complained. Her body shivered over him as she tried to find a rhythm.

“More,” he demanded. “Faster.” Her whimper made his breath catch when he gripped her ass. “Lean up a little and let me see you,” he whispered against her lips. He wanted to taste her but her teeth were still chattering. He thrust up roughly when she moaned, his heart rate increasing as her cheeks reddened with lust. “That’s it,” he praised. “Come undone for me.”

The coil began to tighten in his core but he wasn’t concerned with achieving his own climax. It was the writhing redhead over him he truly desired to watch cry out in pleasure.

“You’re going to hurt my feelings if you don’t cum on my cock,” he told her as he slid his thumb between her slick folds, her whimper and loss of rhythm making him smirk.

Blunt nails dug into his chest, “Steven,” she whispered, his answering moan making her fingers flex before her hips stuttered and her cries of pleasure filled the small room. He watched her head fall back in bliss as her body bounced over him.

He was shaking, not from the slight chill in the warming room, but from the suppressed need. “Let me fill you,” he pleaded as she came down from her high. Her lips grazed his when she nodded her consent. It took only three thrusts to find his own release. Pathetic really if he thought on it too long. But her happy sigh pushed his doubts away. It wasn’t like this was a normal occurrence.

All he could do was hold her tight as she continued to shiver but he knew shivering was good.

“Shepard!” A muffled dual toned voice called making him stiffen.

“We’re naked,” Hackett yelled back. “Shepard needs medical for hypothermia.” His hold tightened when she flexed around him. “Jane,” he warned when he began to grow inside of her.

“Please,” she whimpered as she tried to move her hips.

“Damn it,” he growled before thrusting up into her again. “Your squad is right outside.”

“I can be quiet.”

“Lean up a little, give me room,” he told her. He wasn’t gentle as he jerked his hips up. He watched as she bit her lip to keep herself quiet. Hackett wasn’t sure if it was the audience outside or the exquisite woman doing her best to stay quiet, but the second release came far too quickly. His breath stuttered as he filled her again, her breathy sigh gliding across his face as he held her hips against his.

“Seven minutes and sixteen seconds doesn’t sound so lousy now, does it?” She asked sweetly.

Hackett didn’t know whether to laugh or groan. He settled for, “Glad to see you back to your asshole self, Jane.”

“Almost,” she told him as she relaxed over him. “Thanks to you.”

“Blasto panties now, Jane?” He teased.

“Oh, do shut up,” she muttered against his neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giggity


	7. Chapter 7

It had been a week since she and Hackett had had sex. She was sure snuggling would have been enough but she’d overheard him say she’d been close to sleep several times. No concussion had been found. Shepard still wasn’t sure about her thoughts on the whole thing.

Wet dream come true, naturally. Outside of that, it was a mess.

Hackett still acted like his normal self. There was no hint whatsoever that he’d fucked her.

“Shepard, you’re lost in thought again,” Garrus commented.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?” _Fucking Admiral._

“The bet,” he started only for Tali to take over.

“Is for how long it’ll take you to get hit on while we’re in port.”

Shepard chuckled, “Betting on that would make me conceited.”

“It’s Omega,” Zaeed added. “That means Bray, Aria, Grizz, Anto, and various other lackeys.”

“Well,” Ashley said pursing her lips. “Which of the named have you not bedded?”

“Anto,” Shepard answered easily. “He’s gay.” Catching sight of Zaeed’s face she added, “Massani, you can’t bet on yourself then hit on me as soon as I step foot on Omega.”

“Daft bitch,” he complained. “Take the fun out of everything.”

* * *

The night cycle brought its own set of problems. They wouldn’t dock on Omega until later in the morning which meant a normal night's rest. With a sigh, Shepard exited the elevator on the crew deck to find her some grub.

Instead of the mess, her feet took her to Hackett’s quarters. Liara’s old quarters. Hackett was in bed reading a datapad when she entered, her heart beat kicking up speed as she took him in.

“Everything okay, Shepard?” He asked, his brow pinching in concern as he moved to sit up. She ignored his question, choosing to straddle his thighs and untie her robe. Hackett smirked as he leaned back on his pillows, a finger trailing down the exposed skin of her sternum. “Varren panties this time,” he mused.

She rolled her eyes. What was wrong with character panties? “I’m not impressed with your seduction skills, Hackett.” When his face turned serious, she knew rejection was coming. Letting the robe slide from her shoulders, she watched as his eyes darkened with desire.

“You know we shouldn’t, Jane,” he whispered but his fingers continued their slow, lazy circles on her skin.

“I would have given you my virginity,” she told him. “Instead of some random turian in a dusty storage closet.” His cock twitched under her. “But you didn’t seem to notice me when there were blondes in the area.”

“I didn’t see you as a woman until the Blitz, Jane. But I always noticed you.” She swallowed when he pulled the robe back over her shoulders before wrapping her in a hug. “We can’t,” he whispered before kissing her forehead the way he had when she was a child. He was putting the wall up.

Unable to speak without giving away the hurt, she nodded and slid from his embrace before returning to the loft.

* * *

Omega was a piss hole. She hated coming here but they always had the best stuff. Sneaking off the ship might have been a little immature but she needed to get laid. What she didn’t expect was Zaeed to find her so easily.

“Lass,” he purred in her ear as the thump of the bass vibrated her bones. “Shouldn’t come here without backup.”

“Just looking for a fuck, Massani.”

A rough, calloused hand ran up the inside of her thigh. “Should’ve said something sooner.”

“I’m not looking for attachment or a mess,” she told him with a glare.

His deep chuckle sent heat to her core, “Good thing that’s my specialty.”

She let Zaeed guide her to a side room, one he’d probably used many times during their visits. It was empty, thankfully. She had no doubt he’d fuck her with an audience. “Lock it,” she ordered.

His lips were softer than she expected, the scent of cigars and gun oil aiding in her own arousal. “Goddam, Shepard,” Zaeed said huskily against her ear. “Dreamed of burying my face between your legs since the first time I saw you.”

“This is your only chance to do it,” she told him as she shoved him back and sauntered to the lone leather couch. She wouldn’t have to strip for this tryst. She had worn the spirits forsaken dress Jax loved so much.

While she wanted to pretend it was Hackett between her legs, a rough around the edges bounty hunter demanded her full attention. And fuck, he was so good with his tongue. Gripping his hair, she rocked her hips against his mouth earning her a rumbly moan from the man that pushed her right over the edge. Her cries were drowned out by the music from the club outside the door.

When the couch shifted next to her, she opened her eyes not realizing she’d closed them. Zaeed was stroking himself lazily as she came down from her release. Patience was not something she would normally associate with Zaeed Massani.

He was gentle as she straddled him, his expression soft as he shifted lower on the couch. Gentle was another thing she never thought he would show. “Take it slow,” he told her as he lined himself up to her opening. “Can’t have you limping when you walk,” he teased with a menacing smile.

Shepard sighed when she seated on him fully, the twinge of pain pleasant as her body stretched to accommodate him. She wished she could remember how Hackett felt inside of her.

Teeth biting into her skin brought her back to the cock she was on. Zaeed wasn’t exactly gentle as he explored her neck and collarbone but he let her have complete control over how she rode him. For once she took her time, enjoying the attention she craved and the vulgar compliments spilling from the old merc’s mouth.

She should have bedded him ages ago.


	8. Chapter 8

When Shepard showed up for dinner with bruises on her neck, Hackett felt a stab of jealousy. And hurt. It was his own doing. He had told her no. He didn’t want to say no, he had really wanted her beneath him gasping and begging.

Instead, someone else got that pleasure.

“Time to close the bet, Shep,” Joker said as soon as he’d sat down. “I’m getting bored with all these bets on your sex life. I may stop taking them.” Hackett was too. “Who hit on you first?”

“Zaeed,” Shepard answered.

Hackett wasn’t surprised. Zaeed had always had an overly healthy appetite for sex. “I’m assuming you shot him down so I won’t need a time since everyone likes to see how long men last with you,” Joker was saying. “Poor Conrad.”

“Thirty-seven minutes and twenty-two seconds,” she answered.

Silence reigned over the mess hall as everyone looked at her, then to Zaeed, then back to her.

“Would you like the number of orgasms?” Shepard asked sweetly when she noticed her crew staring at her.

Joker coughed awkwardly, “There was a side bet.”

“I had three,” Shepard informed him.

“I had one,” Zaeed stated proudly causing Shepard to snort.

Hackett sat there quietly fuming. He’d pushed her away and right into the fucking sex machine. He couldn’t help but wonder if Zaeed had special upgrades. Women always flocked to him. Now his Jane, too. With an internal sigh, Hackett decided to focus on his mission. Less chit-chat, less betting, and more investigating.

* * *

Three days later, Hackett watched in veiled jealousy as she pressed the button for Zaeed’s floor. It was getting ridiculous. It took every bit of self-control he had to keep from jerking her back into the elevator once it reached the engineering deck.

Damn he should have just taken what she offered. Even if it made him feel guilty after, he should have taken it.

Later that night, he lay in bed wishing she’d come to him again but he knew better. She was the most stubborn woman he knew. With a frustrated growl, he threw his sheet to the side and made his way out of his quarters. He was going to have to go to her.

The loft door opened to him whether Shepard allowed him in or EDI, he wasn’t sure. He expected to see the woman that was slowing driving him mad sitting at her desk working on reports. Instead, she was sprawled out on her bed, datapad in hand, wearing his favorite shirt while fast asleep. Hackett knew she worked hard, he just didn’t realize how much the Council depended on her.

Standing next to the bed, he took her in. There had been a few times in her childhood that he’d carried her to bed. Long lashes, pudgy cheeks, and messy hair had been truly adorable. The freckles that appeared when she began her service had been a surprise to him. A soft body turned to sculpted muscle, her dimpled smile replaced with a confident smirk…

She left a child and returned a completely different person. It had shocked him to his core.

Sometimes he missed the laughing girl he gave piggy back rides to. The woman before him left him in awe. It was unfair to know both people. The innocence of the girl was long gone. What was left behind was haunted eyes that had seen far more than one person should.

Maybe he shouldn’t have come up here. His conscience was once again conflicted.

“Steven,” her soft voice whispered in question making him close his eyes as he released a breath. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Jane,” he answered roughly, opening his eyes to see her brow pinched in confusion.

He stiffened when she stood and entered his space. Her arms hesitantly wrapped around his waist causing him to inhale sharply. “If nothing’s wrong then why are you here?”

Hackett exhaled audibly, his forehead dropping to hers as he wrapped his arms around her. Everything he wanted to say flashed through his mind, but it was one stupid question that popped out. “What other character panties do you have?”

Shepard blinked, one eyebrow raised before she chuckled. “You came all the way up here in the middle of the night cycle to ask about my panties?”

“Kind of,” he answered. “There’s a lot going on up here,” he told her as he tapped his temple.

“Right now?” She asked, her eyes twinkling mischievously.

He couldn’t help but slide his hands down her body. “Yes.”

A shudder ran through him when she grazed her lips against his. “None.”

A moan left him as he crashed his lips to hers. To finally taste her tongue after so long desiring her… Jane’s needy whimper pushed him into action as their tongue’s battled heatedly. Hackett guided her backwards and carefully got them both onto her oversized bed.

Blunt nails scraped his scalp as she tugged his hair. He growled as he broke the kiss. “What now?”

“My emergency line is going off, let me up,” she said roughly, her lips swollen and eyes heated.

Fucking emergency line. How many times had he used it and interrupted whatever she had been doing? With a groan he rolled onto his back and let her rush to her terminal. Rough hands ran over his face as he tried to calm himself down.

[Shepard,] a dual toned voice said as soon as the call connected. [We’ve just received word that there is a Cerberus facility still running.]

“Where’d the intel come from?”

[Spectre Bau, and he asked me to convey the importance of this matter to you. He said it was something you needed to see for yourself.]

“Is he in need of backup?”

[No, the only bodies there are in containers.]

“Understood, send me the coordinates.” Hackett heard a quiet, sharp inhale before she spoke again. “Fuck, really? Fine, we’ll head there straight away.”

Shepard paused briefly after the line disconnected.

“What is it?” He asked.

“Nothing.” She shook off her thoughts. 

Hackett waited as she sent the location to Joker, then sighed when Joker replied with only an hour to reach it. This was military life, he knew that, it had just been a long time since he’d been interrupted like this.

“Hackett, grab your gear,” Shepard ordered as she descended the steps quickly and shed _his_ shirt revealing a naked body.

“Jane.”

“Did I stutter with my order, Sir?” She asked sweetly. Now she was teasing him. He stood quickly, using the noise of her opening her locker to walk up behind her. Gripping her hips, he jerked her back before pushing her shoulders down. He kept a tight grip of her hair as he shoved his shorts down over his erection and pushed himself inside of her.

“Oh!” She gasped in surprise, her hands looking for support on the closet in front of her.

“It’s up to you how quickly we leave this room,” he told her roughly. “How fast can you cum, Jane?”

Moving his hands to her hips, he set a brutal pace. There was no way he was leaving this room until he filled her. Cries and moans poured from her lips as he thrust roughly into her.

“Better work those fingers faster,” he told her with a smirk.

“Steven,” she whimpered.

“That’s it, Jane,” he praised as she tightened around him. “You feel so good.”

When her whimpers turned to tortured moans and her walls fluttered around him, he pulled the top half of her body against his and took selfishly from her.

“Mine,” he whispered roughly, surprising himself how the word and its associated feelings wholly consumed him. “Say it.”

“Yours,” she breathed. “Always yours.”

Hackett shuddered, his body tight against hers as he filled her. He closed his eyes, the torrent of emotions like a hurricane inside of his head and chest. And the guilt, the guilt was there waiting for him, but Shepard wouldn’t allow him time to feel it.

“Go suit up,” she whispered against his jaw.

“I get to go on a Spectre mission?” He asked drowsily. She really had a way of sucking everything out of him.

“It’s classified but you’re also here for Cerberus intel you have yet to share with me.”

He nodded, “Fill you in later when I can think straight.”

She chuckled and slapped his hip. “Go.”

He hummed as he pressed his lips to her shoulder. “Ma’am, yes, ma’am.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for delay, dealing with a sciatic flare. Also, this is the chapter that has the ONE LINE that inspired the entire work. Can you guess which line?

It wasn’t very often a Spectre called another Spectre for assistance. When they did, it was usually pretty bad. Shepard listened as Bau led her through a medical room, her team following quietly behind her. It didn’t help that he had called her to meet him on Virmire. Even if most of them weren’t part of her crew, all of them knew what this planet meant to her - what had happened here. And then there was Hackett. Once they dealt with whatever Bau had then they could take care of his super-secret mission.

What she saw when she entered the next room stopped her dead in her tracks. It was right out of an old science fiction film. Except it was _her_. Three of her to be precise.

Bau’s lips were moving but she could not understand him. Not when she was looking at the clones in front of her. _Clones_.

“Garrus, call Miranda now,” she ordered roughly.

When they killed the clone during the war, there was no mention of others. No mention of _three_ other clones that were growing. A baby for fuck’s sake. A little chubby, red haired baby floated in a tube. Shouldn’t it have grown? Shouldn’t the child in the next tube be a teenager? Had the clone they killed been the oldest of them? No wonder Brooks had been so confident. She’d had backup plans waiting to age.

Taking in a calming breath, she walked by the younger versions of herself to a nearby terminal.

“Can’t get in system,” Bau said.

“VI,” Shepard started shakily.

[Voice pattern recognized, welcome Jane Shepard.]

“Bring up logs and security from the time these clones were being grown,” she ordered.

“Shepard,” Hackett interrupted only to stop short at her glare.

“Would you like to give her a piggyback ride?” Shepard growled.

_[Subject Jane One was released. I’ve begun…educating her,]_ Brooks’ voice said. _[Clones Two through Four are not yet ready for harvest.]_

Jane shuddered and squeezed her eyes shut. These weren’t the logs she was looking for.

_[Kill the clones, they won’t be needed,]_ Jane One ordered.

_[Of course, Commander,]_ Brooks replied.

Shepard watched as her dead clone left the room. _[If I fail, I’ll be back for you my sweets.]_

“They’re alive,” Shepard whispered.

“Cloning illegal,” Bau told her. He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “The last one almost succeeded, these cannot live to do the same.”

“I know,” she answered.

“You can’t possibly be thinking of killing them?” Hackett interjected. “These are living beings!”

Shepard spun, her armor clanking against his when she entered his space. “They are _clones_. Do you want them for study, Admiral? Or perhaps you’d like to raise them. Try again, for something a little less messy?”

“Clear the room,” Hackett ordered.

No one moved until she nodded. Hackett stared down at her, rage in his eyes until the door closed. “No one could ever be you or replace you, Jane.”

“You should go get your intel and let me deal with this. It’s out of your paygrade,” she told him as calmly as she could.

“My intel was leading to this,” he said roughly.

Anger coursed through her body, “You were hunting my clones and you didn’t bother mentioning it to me?”

“Jane…”

“Fuck you,” she growled. “Perhaps you want the twenty year old version of me to fuck instead? I’m sure she wouldn’t mind dropping to your fucking feet when you demand it!” She knew she’d gone too far when his face paled and hurt filled his eyes. But she couldn’t stop. “You could have your own little harem of Jane Shepards.”

“Stop,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“How could you not tell me?!” She yelled.

“It was classified!”  
.  
“Get out of my face. _Now_ ,” she told him, her voice low and dangerous.

“Jane,” he whispered roughly. “Let me do this.”

“Nothing will be done until I speak to Miranda,” she said, a slight crack in her voice as she turned her head away from him. “It isn’t the first time I’ve had to kill myself, Admiral.” A tear fell against her will. After everything she’d seen and done, this was the most cruel.

Cold armored fingers lifted her face before warm lips pressed to hers. “Let someone else do this, _anyone_. Please, Jane.”

“I need you to go,” she whispered brokenly. “They shouldn’t die without their soul near them. It isn’t right.”

* * *

“Are they viable? Is that even the word?” Shepard asked tiredly.

Miranda had come as quickly as she could, but it wasn’t fast enough for Shepard. She spent hours staring at herself. Longer remembering where she’d been at the three different stages of her life. Memories couldn’t be cloned. The longer she sat there staring at her reflections, the more she wanted them to live. Maybe it had been her own perverted fear that she had thrown into Hackett’s face. Maybe she wanted to see what could’ve been without all the pain and messiness that her life had been. Maybe this would be her only chance to hold a child that had come from her.

“It’s hard to say, Shepard. I think it best to bring the oldest out first,” Miranda said as her fingers flew across the terminal.

Life signs appeared on their pods before the tank with the twenty-something version began to move and lay flat as the liquid drained. It was hard to be detached from the entire situation when she was looking at herself. The woman before the hell of the last years.

“Are you ready?” Miranda asked quietly.

“Yes,” Shepard replied.

The process seemed like it took forever before the clone began to stir. The completely blank stare that met hers was somewhat terrifying. Even Grunt had showed some emotion.

“Do you know your name?”

“Jane Shepard,” the clone answered with a smirk. “It would seem my sister failed.” Dread settled in Shepard’s core. “It will be fun killing you.”

“Oh, please,” Miranda scoffed before jabbing the clone in the neck with a syringe. “Shepard, I’m sorry, but Brooks seems to have used a device similar to Okeer’s to teach them in the tubes.”

“So the first clone?” Shepard asked as she watched the clone fall into sleep.

“Played Brooks well.” Miranda sighed, “What should we do?”

Shepard swallowed when she looked at the baby before meeting Miranda’s eyes. “Kill them. Make it as humane as possible.”

“I can introduce something into their IVs,” Miranda said as she pressed a few keys on the terminal. The sleeping clone’s tank began to fill again after it closed. “They will pass away without feeling a thing.”

“Do it,” Shepard ordered. “Then incinerate the remains.”

All she could do was stand there and watch as steady life signs began to slowly fade. It was painful, yes, but necessary. In a better world the Illusive Man wouldn’t have made full clones. In a perfect world, Shepard wouldn’t have died in the first place.

The child died first. Shepard couldn’t stop the tear that fell as long red hair floated in the tank. The eldest clone was the next to pass peacefully. But it was the baby with the perfect pudgy cheeks and tiny toes that tore a sob from Shepard’s throat when her life signs vanished. Shepard sank to her knees in front of the tube that was far too big for a baby, her hands splayed across the cool glass, her forehead pressed against it as tears streamed down her face.

“Shepard,” Miranda whispered.

“It’s not fair,” she cried, uncharacteristically laying herself bare to someone. “Their only fault was because I was brought back.”

“I didn’t know there were clones,” Miranda told her. “If I needed something, the Illusive Man got it. I never knew he cloned you. They were never meant for what Brooks made them to be. The Illusive Man was desperate to make sure you survived.”

“They would have only known pain and hospital rooms,” Shepard told herself out loud, pushing herself away from the tank as he sat back on her heels and wiped her nose.

“Yes, and when he was sure you’d survive, he would have had them killed.” Miranda knelt down. The warmth of her hand felt good on Shepard’s shoulder. “You gave them peace.”

All she could do was nod before she stood. She couldn’t look at them any longer. If they had had souls, they were gone. Leaving Miranda, Shepard exited the room and stepped into the medbay where Bau and her team were waiting for her.

“Decided on course of action?” Bau asked quickly. Always to the point, she appreciated that.

“They’re dead,” Shepard stated roughly. “Bau would you assist Miranda in getting them to the incinerator. I’ve reached the emotional capacity of what I can handle today.”

“Yes, of course. Will help purge system of DNA and tissue samples too.”

“Thanks,” she told him before pushing her way toward the exit. She knew Hackett was behind her. Zaeed opted to stay in the medbay in case he was needed.

She just needed to go, to breathe. To scream and cry and curse the bastard that put her and her clones through this hell. Thank the Goddess they hadn’t had to live long enough to experience pain. At least these three. The first clone had been filled with more hate than Shepard herself carried. She understood why though.

“Jane,” Hackett called softly as soon as she stepped outside. The sun was warm on her face and the air carried a hint of the sea spray from the waves that she could hear in the distance. The one beautiful place Cerberus had built a base and they had to fill it with her own personal hell. Fuck this planet. First Kaidan and now this.

“Not now,” she told him as she walked passed him. “And for once, follow my damn orders without arguing.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” came the soft acceptance.

But she barely heard it with her heart hammering in her ears. She wrapped her arms around herself as she walked down a long ramp and across a large balcony. They had to kill a baby. Could the toddler have been retaught? Unknown. Too many unknowns. Twenty years from now they couldn’t risk a clone assassin causing havoc after everything Shepard had done for peace.

Nausea rolled in her stomach, bile rising into her throat as she suppressed her emotions. She placed her hands on the cool metal of the railing and let her fingers squeeze against the unforgiving surface. A person could only hold back so much. She’d held it in for far too long. Years of torture and anguish. So much darkness and emptiness. Of feeling utterly alone even when the most loyal friends were at her side.

She bent over, her head hung between her arms as she clung to the railing fighting off the dizziness of her despair. No one could possibly understand how much rode on her shoulders with each step she took. There was so much pressure from every direction. She was tired. So very tired of making the hard choices.

_Why couldn’t they have left me dead?_ She thought as she quickly pulled herself up and heaved over the edge of the balcony. Perfectly green shrubbery disappeared under a putrid layer of vomit. Again and again she heaved until there was nothing left inside of her. Each wretch had felt like a punch to the gut, but the emptiness that followed was somehow even worse. When she was sure it had finally passed, she began to sob quietly.

The cold metal of the railing pressed against her forehead as she sank down to her knees.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for the delay. Our family lost a beloved matriarch and we've been in mourning.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Since it is Friday, I wish to bless you with a double update.
> 
> * * *

“You don’t give the Alliance all the Cerberus bases?” Hackett asked as Shepard typed away on the terminal.

“They all belong to me,” Shepard answered roughly. Her throat still ached from all the vomiting. “I choose which base goes to who depending on which could benefit from it the most.”

“Why do they all belong to you, Shepard?”

“Classified, Hackett.” Shepard confirmed ownership before closing down the terminal. “You aren’t the only one loyal to me.”

“I’ve taken all I need, Commander,” Miranda stated, her heels clicking on the floor. “As requested, Bau destroyed everything that had to do with cloning you. There’s nothing left.”

“Thank you,” Shepard told her former XO as she quickly found the exit.

“The last place was turned into an orphanage,” Miranda stated as the group followed Jane outside. “I’m curious, what’re your plans for this facility?”

Shepard drew in a breath and frowned. A part of her, probably inherited from her father, hated to waste resources for emotional reasons. But she just couldn’t stand the thought of any other horrors developing on this blasted planet. “Lock the planet down.”

“Security?” Miranda asked seriously.

“Shadow Broker forces,” Shepard answered, turning toward the walkway that led to her ship. “I’ve already informed the Broker and a crew will arrive en force in a few days.”

The familiar drone of conversation followed her as they walked to the docking area, but Shepard paid them no attention. She was enjoying the smell of the sea air, the gentle breeze that teased the tops of the trees and the warmth of the setting sun filtering through the foliage. When she reached the boarding ramp of her ship she took one look back at the facility. In all honesty, there was a serene beauty to this planet. It was too bad that it had served as a stage to her worst nightmares.

* * *

If there was one thing he knew, it was that Shepard was loyal to the Alliance. But the gnawing doubt clawed at him constantly. He recalled the constant reports and claims filed by Williams back during Shepard’s time with Cerberus. Perhaps this was how the Lieutenant had felt.

The day had been a long one, mostly because it felt like a week down in that facility. Three Shepard clones…

It blew his mind.

There were questions he had that he may never get answers to and because another Spectre had been involved, it really was above his pay grade.

How did Shepard kill them? Why did she look so lost when she left that room?

_They’re dead._

Her face had been ashen, her eyes empty but hard.

When Hackett had been allowed back in the room, the clones were gone. The tubes were empty of life. And so was Shepard. _His_ Shepard.

With a growl, he rose from the bed and made his way to the elevator. He at least needed to check on her and make sure she was okay. That lost, haunted look had stuck with him.

Entering her room, he found her sitting on the bed in her robe. She wasn’t there mentally, her gaze was directed at her closet but her stare was internal. Her skin was still paler than he cared for, but it had been a hard mission. One he should have brought her in on in the beginning so she could have hardened herself to the possibilities.

Kneeling down in front of her, he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear but she still didn’t see him.

“I know what you did today wasn’t something you wanted to do. I also know why you had to do it and why you didn’t want me in there,” he told her quietly. He caught the tear that slid down her cheek with his thumb. “What the Illusive Man did was atrocious, Jane, and you aren’t at fault for that.”

“He’s my father,” she whispered, her empty eyes finally meeting his. “Jack Harper, father of Jane Shepard.” Hackett swallowed, he hadn’t known. “His blood runs through my veins.”

“Jack Harper was a good man once, Jane,” Hackett told her. “He was indoctrinated. Like Saren.”

“If people find out…”

“No one will ever learn of it,” he said roughly before things began to click into place. “He was desperate for your survival and that was why he made so many clones.”

Her eyes found his. “Yes.”

“And because he loved you, he left you everything.”

“The second his omnitool stopped receiving his vitals, everything was transferred to me. Control commands for all facilities, locations, information…” Her body shuddered. “I killed my own father.”

His heart ached for her as she broke down. He hadn’t known that either. “He was indoctrinated.”

“He would have lived!” She sobbed. “If I could have activated the crucible, he would have lived. But I failed!”

“You didn’t fail, Jane.”

“I knew he was my father when I pulled the damn trigger. I killed him. Me! I failed him. And Anderson. Mordin, Thane, Legion, Kaidan…”

All he could do was wrap her in a hug as she cried. Never in his life had he heard her cry like this. Did Jack know what he was leaving behind for his child to clean up? Did he know how much it would break her?

Tonight, he would hold her and let her fall apart. That was all he could do. Gods he hoped it was enough.

* * *

A moan woke him, his own moan as a body rocked against him.

“Steven.”

“Jane,” he whispered huskily. Her outline was dark against the blue light coming from the fish tank.

“Stay on my ship,” she whispered. He could hear the desperation in her voice.

“I want to,” he told her honestly. “Come here.”

Tear streaked cheeks wet his hands as her mouth met his. Hannah was not going to be happy about this…whatever they were doing. Gripping her tight, he turned them easily before thrusting into her. Shepard arched against his body, her lips breaking from his kiss as her moan filled his senses.

“So incredibly beautiful,” he told her.

“Please stay,” she begged. “Stay with me.”

“I would give anything to stay.” _My soul, my commission…_

She clung to him tightly as he slowly brought her closer to her peak. This was more than just bedding her. He felt raw, open as he soaked her in, as he gave and took with equal measure. He loved her and she was going to destroy him as easily as she had joined the Alliance.

But in this moment, her hips pressed tightly to him as her soft cries filled the room, he didn’t care. He whispered in her ear as tears fell from them both. He told her how much she meant to him knowing he was going to have to leave.

He just hoped she understood.

Tomorrow he would return to his post.


	11. Chapter 11

In just the very first inklings of wakefulness, Jane stretched her hand out across the bed finding only cool, empty sheets there to greet her. She opened her eyes and lifted her head, staring for a long moment at the space where Steven should be. A quick glance around her cabin told her that she was alone. Her many years as a soldier had made her a very light sleeper and she couldn’t decide what surprised her most: that he had left her bed without her knowing or that he had simply left her.

Resting her head back on her pillow and staring up into the vast expanse of space above her, she admitted to herself that it was no surprise at all. Of course, her pleas from the night before were just fantasies. There was no reality that played out with Admiral Hackett joining her crew to wander the galaxy righting wrongs with her. That they would play house here on the _Normandy,_ waking up in each other’s arms every morning and making love each night before they went to sleep. 

Still, it had been nice to dream.

“EDI?” She asked into the cool air of her cabin,

[Yes, Commander?]

“What’s our status?”

[We are seven hours from New Arcturus Station.]

New Arcturus. Another former Cerberus Station donated by Commander Jane Shepard. Daughter of a terrorist. She had given Joker that heading yesterday as the crew silently filed onto the ship for takeoff. Zombie-like, she had gone through the motions of pre-flight checks and crew roster role calls before lifting off and leaving the cloning facility behind her. Standing at the helm watching, she had remained there staring long after it had disappeared from view.

[Admiral Hackett requested to be made aware when you had awoken,] EDI said, breaking into her thoughts.

“Yeah, give me a minute with that, would you?”

[Of course, Shepard. I will wait for your order.]

Shepard knew Steven had to return to his post, she _knew_ that, but it still burned in the pit of her stomach; a lead weight in her soul that she couldn’t shake. The experience at the cloning facility had awakened something inside of her, or killed something - she hardly knew. She couldn’t remember a time when she had felt so utterly beaten down and broken inside. There had just been too much, too much heartache for one lifetime. Surely she was due something other than this? 

What if the baby clone could have been saved? What if they had planted their own teaching device inside the chamber to undo Brooks’ work? Shepard could have raised that baby as her own. Kissing chubby pink cheeks, tiny fingers, and soft feet. Giggles and squeals…

Emotion clogged her throat and unshed tears burned her eyes as she tried to control this onslaught of emotions, but they had taken on a mind of their own, gathered a momentum that absolutely refused to stop. 

_A baby of her own…_

She forced herself to sit up, her survival training kicking in. That would never happen, she told herself. Everyone had a place in the universe and hers was not to raise babies and play house with a handsome admiral. Regardless, contrary to what Grunt said, she knew she wouldn’t make a very good mother anyway. She was better at destroying things. Her hands were practically still slick with her fathers’ blood. She didn’t deserve to raise a child when she had dealt so much death by her own hand. 

Swallowing those emotions back down deep into the pit of her stomach, she stood, turned on her coffee pot and headed for the shower.

* * *

It wasn’t until she heard her door cycle open a few hours later that she realized how long she had been hunched over her terminal. Even with the war over, there were so many requests for assistance and reports to follow-up on. The one constant in her life seemed to be that she would always be busy and when she kept herself busy she didn’t think about all those other things.

“Commander?” A familiar voice said, making the space between her shoulder blades tense as she bowed over her terminal. “Do you have a moment?”

She wasn’t good at this, which was why she had avoided it for most of her life. Nameless turians in coat closets don’t bring forth visions of motherhood and marital bliss. “My apologies, Admiral,” she replied curtly, never taking her eyes off her terminal. “But I have some duties that require my immediate attention.” 

It was easier to blame him, to even hate him just a little rather than deal with the emotions whirling form deep in her gut threatening to spew forth. 

“Jane.” His voice was intimate, pleading - which made it all the worse.

“Not now,” she snapped, her voice unwavering and her mask firmly in place even if her emotions were trying to leak out of her eyes. She didn’t have the luxury of dealing with all of this right now. “We’re due for New Arcturus shortly, please have your gear ready as I’m being called straight out.” 

The lie slid off of her tongue as easily as she had begged him to stay last night. A part of her wanted to look over to him, to see his face but it was that perverse part of her. Maybe it was the Jack Harper inside of her. She wanted to see if he suffered as she did and take some satisfaction from that at least. 

“What? Jane,” Hackett took a step toward her and placed his hand on her shoulder. 

She shut her terminal and stood, taking a step back and away from him. She was looking at him now and she saw her pain mirrored on his face. “I apologize, Admiral, but I have Spectre duties to attend to,” she told him. Shepard forced a small smile. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m needed on the bridge.” She brushed past him and fled to the elevator but not before she saw his icy blue eyes filled with confusion, hurt, and lastly resignation. 

She had wanted to see it and now she had. And she knew that that look was going to haunt her for quite some time.

* * *

Walking through the ship toward the helm, the atmosphere felt different. Heavy. Shepard knew her emotions projected onto her crew, that their loyalty knew no bounds. They felt what she felt. 

Mentally shaking her thoughts away, She approached the helm as New Arcturus came into view. 

“This is Flight Lieutenant Moreau requesting a docking vector,” Jeff said professionally.

_[Normandy, you aren’t scheduled for docking. What is the reason for your visit?]_

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Joker muttered, quickly shedding his professionalism.. “Save the galaxy three times over and still get questioned by…”

“I’ll handle it,” Shepard interrupted, a devilish smirk lifting the corner of her mouth briefly. 

“It’s all yours, Shep,” Joker told her, his fingers halting on the controls.

“This is Commander Shepard of the _Normandy SR-2_ , is there a reason my ship hasn’t received a vector from New Arcturus Control?”

_[Ma’am, your visit is unscheduled…]_

“Listen, pup,” Shepard growled. “I’m a Spectre, an N7, and an Alliance officer. My reasons for docking are so above your paygrade you might as well look towards the Heavens.”

_[B-but,]_ The soldier stammered.

“It’s not that hard,” Shepard returned, feeling a bit sorry for the docking attendant. “Does this ship have clearance or does it not?”

_[Ma’am, it does, ma’am,]_ the woman replied tentatively.

Shepard rolled her eyes, maybe not that sorry. “Then give my damned pilot his fucking vector to the best god-damned docking slip on this god-for-saken station. Did I not donate the damned thing to the Alliance in the first place? One second more and I just might take it back.”

_[Ma’am, yes, ma’am,]_ the woman squeaked.

“I want my own station,” Joker mumbled as he adjusted his hat.

Shepard snorted before flicking the bill of his hat to mess it up. “Whatever my pilot wants, my pilot gets,” she said with a smile and wink, her deep and dreary mood fading away. With an about face, she began to make her way toward the CIC only to hear the conversation behind her.

“You hear that, EDI? Mama Shep is giving us a station!”

“Jeff, if the station is run by a VI, what will my duties entail?”

“You’ll be the VIs mother, make sure it doesn’t kill us,” Shepard heard before his voice trailed off. 

EDI as a virtual mom to a virtual space station baby? Well, stranger things have happened.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter ahead. Much love to you guys. I appreciate you all so much.
> 
> * * *

Since being back on New Arcturus Station, Hackett had had plenty of time to think about what had happened between Shepard and him. It felt good to be home, naturally, but at the same time it felt hollow. Guilt had settled in his chest since she had left. Guilt about leaving a broken Jane on that ship to deal with the fallout of _everything_ that had happened in the last few weeks. Steven had left her to deal with the guilt and pain that she carried when she had to kill her father…

When she watched friends and loved ones die, one-by-one.

When she stood by and watched her clones die by her order.

And he had left her to deal with the knowledge that Admiral Steven Hackett loved her with everything that he was. But not enough to stay on the ship. That wasn’t fair though, surely she knew how unfair that was to him. 

And now she was outright ignoring him, pushing him away and out of her life completely. Emotion grew in his throat as he wondered how she was and what she was up to, As a Spectre she could be doing anything, dealing with anything, As the sole inheritor of all the remaining Cerberus resources, she could be doing anything, dealing with anything. The man and Admiral were curious about her state of mind and her whereabouts in dangerously equal measures. 

After the sixth time his call was forwarded to an automated message recorder, Hackett decided his Jane was avoiding him. Anger bubbled up as he pressed call again.

_[Commander Shepard’s line, Joker speaking.]_

Joker? “Flight Lieutenant, where is Shepard?”

_[Sleeping, Admiral.]_

“And you’re answering her line because?”

_[Because,]_ Joker drawled out like he was talking to a child instead of his Commanding Officer. _[I can only stand to see the light blinking so many times before I just answer it myself. She’s sleeping, her terminal is on mute as is requested when she is sleeping.]_ Hackett pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to contain his frustration. _[Hey, isn’t Shepard supposed to be getting a new rank?]_

Fuck. Hackett forgot all about that. “Yes,” he answered.

_[Awesome,]_ Joker replied happily. _[Hear that EDI? Mama Shep is going to spoil us more with that pay raise!]_ Mama Shep? _[Anyway, do I need to wake her? She’s grouchy when she doesn’t get enough sleep between missions and I for one don’t want to be on the receiving end of said anger.]_

“No,” Hackett replied tiredly. “Just tell her to get ahold of me when it’s convenient.”

A digitized snort came through making Hackett’s brow raise. _[There is no such thing as convenient on Shep’s ship. There’s a tongue twister: Shep’s ship.]_ The pilot laughed at his own joke while Hackett tried not to audibly sigh. 

“Just give her my message, Moreau.”

_[Tough crowd,]_ Hackett heard him mutter before his voice came through again clearly. _[Aye, Sir.]_

Ending the call, Hackett sat back in his chair and stared at his datapad littered desk. Not one of those datapads had Shepard’s paperwork for her promotion. How the hell had he forgotten such an important thing? And why hadn’t she said anything? A three rank jump was going to have to be approved by the Admiralty Board which meant he was going to have to compile a list of all of her missions, ops and various other fantastic feats of heroism for a formal review. In order to do that, he was going to have to talk to the Council for a specific number of honors and achievements and the unclassified versions he could name. With so much of her Alliance file classified, this was something he was going to have to do on his own. Why the hell didn’t he start this after he agreed to her terms?

* * *

> _  
> Liara: I wanted to update you on the facility when you have time.  
>  Shepard: I have time now.  
> L: I know you wished to lock the planet down from everyone, but, with all the cloning tech inside it may be wise to alter your plans.  
> S: You’ve got an idea?  
> L: You could turn it into your own limb cloning hospital. There are plenty of medical professionals that don’t have the means to do their jobs. You would easily have a staff. And Virmire’s climate would be perfectly conducive to rehabilitation and recovery. You could even carve out a little haven for yourself and your crew, if you wanted.  
> S: ...It’s hard for me to think of Virmire as a haven.  
> L: It’s not the planet’s fault, Shepard. You have to admit, it’s pretty beautiful there.  
> S: What about...the krogan cloning facility?  
> L: It’s on the complete opposite side of the planet. Resources have already begun working on remediation. There’s a protective dome surrounding the affected area, of asari design, and salarian scientists are developing a plan for decontamination.  
> S: Alright, you’ve thought of everything - as usual. Just one small, final little detail.  
> L: What’s that?  
> S: How would I pay for all this, Li? Other than the investment you’ve managed for me, I have nothing else and that sure as hell won’t cover salaries and supplies.  
> L: I’ve got that handled. As for supplies, medical insurance will cover all those that serve in various militaries. Donations for those that don’t have that insurance.   
> S: And the building upgrades for rooms, etc?  
> L: Yes, that’s all covered. And this would also be an investment for you. There’s even a room for quarians though as the months go by, they need it less and less.   
> S: Alright, go ahead with it. Garrus will be disappointed. He liked that world. It reminded him of Palaven.  
> L: About that: You can’t very well own a hospital and not have a place to stay so construction will begin on a rather large plot of land I procured recently. Leave the details to me.  
> S: What would I do without your little blue nose in everything, Li? Thank you.  
> L: It’s my pleasure, Shepard. I recommend contacting Hackett to let him know as he will need to approve the new facility on the Alliance’s insurance policy. I’ll have Garrus contact Primarch Victus, Tali for the quarians, etc.   
> S: It will be done, Little Wing. Your momma would be so proud of you.  
> L: Thank you, Shepard.  
> _

* * *

Closing down her omnitool, Shepard stared out at the void above her bed. And to think at one time that view had been terrifying. That seemed like ages ago, instead of a few years. Rather than nightmares of suffocating to death in the void, it was nightmares of short, fine hair floating in a tank. Or a tiny face with cold, lifeless eyes. Maybe one day she could look at Virmire without being reminded of Kaidan and...

“EDI, prepare a message to Hackett for me please: I’m opening a medical facility for cloning limbs. Please approve insurance for its usage when the information makes its way to you.”

[When would you like this sent, Commander?]

“In a few hours,” she answered. It would be odd to send it right after she ignored his call. “How far are we from Noveria?”

[Two hours and twenty-seven minutes,] EDI answered. [We’ve already received our docking bay number. Lorik Qui’in seems to be expecting you.]

“That’s comforting, since it was he that requested my aid,” Shepard replied. “Tell Garrus and Ash to prep.”

[Understood, logging you out.]

* * *

Garrus may have been the more vocal of the group when it came to Noveria, but Shepard was in silent agreement. She may not have said it out loud, but she was grumbling about the cold sting against her skin internally. She hated the damn planet.

“You don’t have an appointment scheduled,” the guard told her as soon as she approached the doors to the Administration office.

“Save the galaxy how many times?” Garrus purred, his secondary vocals taking on a stealy edge. “And we’re still treated like criminals.”

Garrus stared at the guard but the guard stared at Shepard. “Oh, Garrus,” Shepard replied. “You’re practically royalty in the human titles. What, four away from Primarch, Reaper Advisor?” The turians guard’s mandible twitched in humor as Garrus coughed awkwardly. “I’ll bet if we put your rank on your armor, you’d get more respect.”

“And I’d become a target when we’re in the Terminus.”

“Do you really think Aria would let my number one turian become a target?” Shepard asked with a humored smirk.

Garrus’ bark of laughter finally pulled the turian guard’s eyes off of her. “When you put it that way…” Garrus looked at Shepard, his eyes measuring and his head tilted. “Didn’t you sleep with her during the war?”

Shepard snorted, a chuckle threatening to bubble up. “Oh, honey, there wasn’t much sleeping involved.” Garrus shook his head before Shepard returned her attention to the lone guard. “Now, Lorik is expecting me and I have an insane workload what with being a living legend and all. So just confirm it so we can get this off my to-do list, yeah?”

As soon as the guard moved aside, Shepard and Garrus entered the outer office, their shoulder pads bumping against each other. Shepard was grateful for the day Garrus Vakarian became part of her crew. Even more grateful when he lost his professional persona and treated her like a normal person. Like a sister. 

While Ashley had remained quiet through the exchange, her presence was still felt just behind Shepard. Garrus would always have her six, but Ash felt like she had something to prove since the little rooftop confrontation during the war. Shepard didn’t blame her, but Ashley seemed bound and determined to make up for it. 

It was Ashley and Garrus that had been there when Shepard learned that the Illusive Man was Jack Harper and that Jack Harper was the biological father of Jane Shepard. Shepard had expected the fallout to be catastrophic. Instead, Ashley only said, _“My grandfather surrendered at Shanxi, blacklisting every Williams in his bloodline... Until one person didn’t care about family trees.”_

Truth be told, Shepard never bothered with who was whos child. She brought Ashley on because her skills alone held an incredible amount of potential. Just like Garrus, Liara, and Tali. And look at them now.

“Shepard, I’m glad you made it.”

“Lorik,” Shepard replied in greeting. “You remember Vakarian and Williams?”

“Ah, yes,” Lorik replied with a nod before he stood to shake hands. He seemed to have picked up more humanisms since she’d last seen him. “Good to see your crew has remained after all this time.”

“Loyalty can’t be bought,” Ashley commented.

“Besides, Shepard gives us long-time crew members our own rooms,” Garrus joked.

“It’s my understanding that all of your crew has been with you for quite a while. Does that mean you need a bigger ship?” Lorik asked as he took his seat.

“Alliance personnel sleep in crew quarters. Spectre’s, non-human, and the occasional guest get the luxury of their own space,” Shepard replied easily. “Now let’s get down to business.”

* * *

The ride back to the shuttle bay had been filled with silence. It hadn’t been quite total bullshit, the mission that Lorik had sent her on, but it hadn’t quite been chasing down an Asari Matriach and deciding the fate of an entire species on the side, either. Her team moved and worked together in deadly precision, years of fighting for the fate of the galaxy honing them to an ultrafine edge. Anything less now seemed like overkill, like using a chandelier to light up a closet.  
But there was only less now. One down-side to saving the galaxy is that there was no more galaxy that needed to be saved. Looking back on it now, it had been one helluva ride. Running around fast and loose while everyone else stood around watching in complete bewilderment and awe. It wasn’t that she enjoyed the hero worship, no, one Conrad was enough in her life. But she missed the carte blanche do-whatever-it-takes and damned the rules we’ll thank you later freedom from back then.  
Her Spectre status gave her some of that, sure, but not quite like before. There were more reports to file. More rules and regs to consider before blowing anything up or cursing anyone out. For some, her constraints would be so minimal as to be laughable. But to her it felt like wearing a straight jacket. And she felt it most here, out in the field. Which was the worrying part. Was this what getting old felt like? When she preferred the long hours hunched over her terminal in her quiet quarters to tracking down a few miscreants wreaking havoc on a super-secret research planet?

As if in answer, her bones creaked and her body ached as she stood and exited the shuttle.

“You alright, Shep?” Garrus’ voice questioned from behind her, his sharp eyes not missing one single thing.

“Just fine,” she replied lightly. “Keep your eyes off my ass.”

Garrus made a deep sound at the back of his throat, a very human response that he probably picked up from Vega. “That’s an old habit that’s going to be very hard to break.”

Shepard heard the clank of armor and glanced over her shoulder to see Tali playfully admonishing him and walking forward with a wiggle to her walk that drew Garrus’ eyes like a magnet.

“Is it too late to hit the bar?” Ashley asked, coming up to walk alongside Shepard.

Jane thought about returning to the ship and it wasn’t the reports or the mountain of emails that put her off, but the connectivity of being back on an Alliance vessel. There was one particular person that she wanted to avoid for as long as possible and what better way to avoid said person than to be legitimately unavailable?

“No,” Shepard replied with a sly smile. “I don’t think that it is.” Garrus and Tali’s steps lightened in agreement as they walked toward the exit.

“How’d she treat you?” Lilihierax, the turian overseeing the garages and Li to his close friends, asked with a hint of pride.

Shepard’s disdain for the archaic method of transportation that involved wheels touching the actual ground was legendary amongst her crew. On their way to the mission, for example, she had spent half the time inside of the shuttle complaining about its shock absorbers (or lack thereof) and the other half complaining about the apparent inability of Noverrians to build boulder-free roads.

“Like a dream,” Shepard replied sweetly, to the wonderment of her crew. “There were a few times there where I almost forgot that I wasn’t on the _Normandy_ the ride was so smooth.”

Garrus made a sound with his subvocals and Ashley coughed.

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter, Commander,” Lilihierax replied, but the blush of pride at the compliment still lightly tinged his unpainted face plates.

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” she returned with a broad smile as she patted the mechanic on the shoulder before leading her crew out of the shuttle bays and towards the bar.

* * *

“I wouldn’t be a halfway decent, second-in-command if I didn’t ask whether or not you shouldn’t’ve debriefed Qui’in on our mission before downing your fifth-”

Shepard downed another mid-sentence.

Garrus cleared his throat. “Make that _sixth_ shot of whiskey.”

Jane slammed the shot glass down on the bar and lifted her chin to the bartender to signal another. “You’re way more than _halfway decent,_ ” she replied, her voice a bit raspy from the heat of the alcohol. “Fair to middlin’,” she supplied. “Sufficient.” 

Garrus gave her the turian version of the: quit joking around I’m trying to be serious here look.

She held her hand up. “Already done. Stand down. At ease and all that other bullshit.”

Garrus shook his head in disbelief, amazement and lastly: doubt. “When?” He asked, the trill undertone making it very clear that he didn’t believe her.

“When I went to the bathroom,” she supplied. “What did you think was taking so long in there?”

Garrus blushed a little. “Well, I thought you were...you know.”

“Oh, I did that, too. Queen of multi-tasking, remember?”

“You, bosh-tet,” Tali teased him. “You walked right into that one.”

“I could live without knowing what Shep does in the bathroom, just saying,” Ashley added.

“Alright,” Garrus conceded. “I just thought...I thought that you would want to see Qui’in again, too.”

Ashley rolled her eyes and Tali said, “You really don’t know when to stop, do you?”

“So you want to know what goes on in my bedroom, too? Huh, big guy?” Shepard asked, her smile wide and bright.

“No!” Both Ashley and Tali answered in unison.

Jane thanked the bartender for her new drink and lightly sipped on this one for a change. Her eyes scanned the room. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking of slipping between the sheets with Qui’in tonight. But somehow he seemed less than enough now, too. Like this mission had been. Like she would be the chandelier and he would be the closet. No, what she wanted was something, someone new. 

She leaned back on her barstool and worried at her lip while her crew bantered back and forth about Garrus’ perpetual cluelessness and naiveté. No, she didn’t want Qui’in tonight. He was decent in bed, but like all politicians he was a bit selfish in the sack, which on a normal day didn’t bother her. But tonight, _she_ felt like being a bit selfish. She felt like having someone who would worship her body and make it thrum. Someone with deft fingers that could coax every last bit of-

She stood up abruptly and her team reacted with hands to their weapons.

“Stand down,” she said easily, finishing the rest of her drink and setting it down with a wave off to the bartender. “I’ve…,” she started, looking at Tali, Garrus and Ashley in turn. “I just remembered something and I’ve gotta go see someone.”

Ashley stepped forward. “Someone should come with.”

“No,” Jane stopped her. “I’ll be fine. It’s right around the corner. Perfectly safe.”

“Now that’s just asking for trouble,” Tali commented. “How many times have we heard you say that?”

“It’s true!” Shepard said, backing away from her crew like from a litter of puppies. “Stay. I’ll meet you back on the ship...later.”

When she finally turned around and made a beeline toward the elevator, she heard Garrus say, “See? She’s going to see Qui’in, I knew it. And you called me naive.”

* * *

Shepard walked slowly through the deserted hallway that led to the garages. Lilihierax wasn’t at his normal post right outside of the entry door. It was a little unnerving. The last time she was here the damned turian never budged, no matter how many times she tried to sneak through without a pass, he had always been there pleasantly telling her to fuck off. She had wondered if he ever slept.

Standing in front of the entrance, she leaned in to read the security pad studying the worn out numbers and beginning to calculate her odds of using her Spectre training to crack the code.

“Can I help you?”

“Holy shit box!” Shepard squeaked, jumping out of her skin and turning around.

There Lilihierax stood, his hands in the air facing her in a “calm down” gesture. “I saw you on the security feeds, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Jane’s eyes glanced up at the cameras, they were in damned near every nook and cranny in this place. “No problem,” she replied, wiping her sweaty palms on her pants. “Wear a bell or something around your neck, though, huh? Six foot turians have no right to be as quiet as you.”

“I’m more like seven foot,” he corrected. “And I’d wear whatever you wanted around my neck if I could see you jump like that again.”

_Well, well, well._ She had wondered if the dedicated turian would even be interested in her. Not that it ever stopped her from trying. Ever. But she _had_ wondered. On her way over to the garage, mentally preparing herself to settle for Qui’in instead.

“Were you here for something in particular, Commander,” he asked in her silence. “I didn’t see any requests for transportation come through.”

“I had wanted to…,” she hesitated. Garrus had told her that her come-ons were an embarrassment to the word come. And Ashley wanted to make videos of her and start her own “what not to do” self-help series. Only Vega and perhaps Zaeed had ever complimented her on her pick-up lines, which should’ve been worrying, she knew. But it wasn’t. “Take _something_ for a ride,” she finished, damned them all, she wasn’t going to mess with a proven thing.

There it was again, that pleasant blush across his face plates. She watched as Lilihierax’s mandibles flared and snapped back shut again. Years of working with Garrus had made her quite proficient in the unspoken language of turians. His tall, seven foot frame was leaning forward. He was interested. But his fingers had curled into fists and his talons tapped anxiously against the duracrete floor. He was waiting for permission.

Turians were tediously hard-wired to rank and duty. Garrus had already spent years rewriting his circuitry by the time she met him yet he still grappled with denying those inborn urges. Yet, this was not Garrus and she wanted to ensure there was no miscommunication among them.

“You do know what I mean, don’t you? Lilihierax? I want you to...clean my spark plugs.” He hummed pleasantly. “Grease my bearings,” she continued, as his hum turned into a low growl. “Check my fluid-”

“I know what you mean,” he finally interrupted her. “I’m honored-”

“Please.” It was her turn to interrupt. She placed her hand against his chest. “No ranks. No saviour of the galaxy.” His chest rumbled with her words and she understood that her titles were as much of a turn on as anything else for him, a duty bound turian. “No Hero of the Citadel. No _Spectre_ ,” she whispered.

“Commander,” he growled, leaning his head towards her and invading her space. 

“I think you can call me Jane,” she said, as the tips of his talons wrapped around her small waist.

“And you can call me, Li.”

* * *

The mess hall held the quiet hum of multiple conversations as Shepard took her seat. She was damn tired; Wiped out. She was pretty sure the way Li had worshipped her and wrung out as many orgasms as her body could handle was partly the reason. Hackett was the other. 

Sex normally left her energized in a way. But this… emptiness was so different.

“Who was it this time?” Joker asked, his eyes somewhat dull. It looked like he’d pulled a double shift at the helm. Hell, maybe he did.

“Everyone’s bets in?” Shepard asked, her voice barely loud enough to be heard. Who knew a person couldn’t have the energy to even speak?

“Yep,” Joker replied. 

“Li,” Shepard answered. It was the first time in ages that she’d closed a bet and there wasn’t groans or excited yelps that followed. Fuck if it didn’t hollow her more. “Who won?”

Joker scanned his omnitool, his lips pushed out in a pout before he shook his head. “No one.”

That was another first. “Give everyone their creds back,” She ordered softly. What the fuck was happening?

It had been months, two, to be precise since they’d dropped Hackett off. Two months of non-stop missions, of broken crew mates amplifying Shepard’s soul. She was doing a piss poor job as their Commander. Looking around, she noticed the faces of her people, grim set mouths and empty eyes. 

She sat back in her chair, watching as the others ate. This was not because of Hackett. Nor was it because of non-stop missions, either. Her crew had eaten non-stop missions for breakfast before. Joker had pull triple and quadruple shifts. No, this was something else. Like a sickness spread across the ship. What was so unnerving was how they looked, they looked exactly how she felt. Empty. Lost. Regretful. And worst of all for a ship’s crew: without heading.

Dawning slowly rose within her. As Zaeed pushed the peas around his plate and Tali half-heartedly used her emergency induction port, she realized. She had said before, half-kidding but she had: they felt what she felt. It was like the dilemma between Donnely and Adams. If EDI was the brains of the Normandy, then Garrus was its fists - throwing punches at the universe. Tali, its nervous system. Joker, its eyes. Zaeed, it’s disposition before coffee in the morning. And she? She was its heart. 

The thought gave her pause. Was she as broken as this? As she looked around the table at the hollowed expressions upon her crew. It had gone downhill so fast. She thought. How long had it been that they had all been teasing her about Zaeed? It had been since… She rubbed at her temples. It had been since the cloning facility. Once it was named she realized that she had known it all along. She could no longer lie to herself about it. Her heart _hurt_ remembering it. And the _Normandy_ along with her. It seemed she was not the only one that had a little piece of them die that day. That had left _something_ behind there. She was not the only one that was no longer whole. 

It was decided then. She sat up straighter and forced herself to eat. The enemy had been named and she had never been one to back down in the face of anything or anyone. Wasn’t this what she had been looking for? Something to attack? To kill? To fix? Besides, something was going to have to change pretty damn quick before things got any worse. Before someone got distracted from their jobs. Before someone got hurt. Or worse… _killed_ because of her. There was enough blood on her hands. Maybe it was finally time for something else.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to apologize for the delay. It has been a very hard week mentally and emotionally. My children said farewell to their great grandma, I hit a low with depression. Just a rough week. 
> 
> Here's a few chapters to make up for it because I truly do love you all!
> 
> * * *

Hackett stared at the datapad listing Shepard’s mile-long victories. She’d been in the Alliance since she was eighteen, yet over half of the commendations (that the Council was willing to hand over) were from Shepard’s short time as a Spectre.

Never in a million years did he realize exactly how busy the Council kept her. This list was only the things he _could_ share. There was no telling how many more there were that the Council was keeping classified. By this list alone, Shepard _did_ deserve the rank Hackett carried. That would make her the youngest Fleet Admiral in history, and it would split up his workload. _If_ she accepted the duties.

If he came to her with this, and zero options, she’d outright decline and probably never speak to him again. But if he was clever enough to word the contract to where Shepard could pick and choose her duties: Remaining on the Normandy but with control of a fleet of her own, Leaving the Normandy and having an office on New Arcturus, or simply holding the rank of Fleet Admiral and remaining an active Spectre. 

Shepard liked choices. Shepard didn’t like being forced into an invisible cage. 

Then there was this new venture: Limb cloning facility.

Hackett had read, then reread, the email from Liara. It was long but direct and that was something he could appreciate. Liara was looking for investors while also wanting to make it clear that this facility, and all of its future success, belonged to Shepard. Hackett couldn’t deny his personal interest. His professional interest was sold as there were hundreds, if not thousands of active duty Alliance personnel that simply needed a limb so they could return to their original posting. 

Standing, Hackett made his way to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. It was late in the night cycle but he couldn’t find sleep just yet. His heart was too busy missing Shepard. His mind was always thinking of her. 

With a loud exhale, Hackett returned to his desk and typed in the information on his terminal to connect with Liara. 

_[Admiral, what can I do for you?]_

“Is this line secure?” Hackett asked. Liara’s lips turned up into a smirk that she no doubt learned from his Jane.

_[Of course.]_

“Investing in this facility: What are your projections on its success?”

 _[We’ve already got a full staff that are now traveling from all over the galaxy to begin preparations.]_ Hackett had her full attention. He briefly wondered how many times his question had been asked if she wasn’t having to look at datapads. _[The Shadow Broker has poured resources into it and the renovations are nearly complete. We’ve got the backing of the turian government, the quarian, salarian, krogan, asari…_ ]

“And the Alliance,” he interrupted. “Vote is still out on humanity itself as we are waiting on our government.”

Liara nodded, _[I’ve already got a waiting list. There’s so many that we just randomly compiled a list. It’s already a success, Admiral. I would not fail Shepard.]_

“I assume all that’s left is financial donations?” He asked before looking at his various banking accounts. He’d always been a simple man, never needing anything outside of his basic supplies. 

_[Yes.]_

“In that case, I’d like to make an investment.”

Liara’s eyes widened before she quickly masked it. _[Absolutely. Do I need to set up a separate bank account for this on your behalf?]_

“No,” Hackett answered before he transferred the account information over. “This account, every credit.”

Hackett smirked when the information made it to her, Liara’s jaw dropping in shock. _[Five million credits?]_

“We both know I don’t like Shepard to fail,” Hackett stated honestly. “That is easy to see in her files. I’ve given her everything I possibly can to make sure her job is as easy as possible.”

_[That’s different.]_

“Perhaps a few years ago,” he agreed. “But now? Everything she does is attached to her name. Besides,” he continued with a shrug. “What’s five million credits in my personal savings when we both know that this business venture of hers will succeed so far above what any of us expect to see?”

The asari’s smile was small, her gaze thoughtful before she nodded. _[Of course, you’re correct. I imagine in a few earth years your investment will have doubled.]_

“Pour it all back in every two years then, and make sure you put that account in trust to Shepard,” he told her before ending the call. “Hackett out.”

With everything in as much order as it was ever going to be, Hackett prepared his bag to make his way to Vancouver, Canada, Earth first thing in the morning. Hannah may not like filling in for Hackett, but she agreed without complaint when he had told her it was for Shepard’s promotion.

All he had left to do was change a few things in the basic contract so Shepard would have the choices she wanted for her career. She’d earned that, at the very least. 

And if her quiet laughter and sighs haunted his dreams...well, he deserved that.


	14. Chapter 14

Mentally preparing himself the best he could, he put in his high-priority call to the _Normandy_ to catch Jane up on the most recent details.

 _[Normandy,]_ a voice came through immediately.

“This is Admiral Hackett for Shepard,” he said evenly. 

_[One moment please.]_

Each second felt like minutes as he waited for the QEC to light up and scan him. Had Jane been sleeping? Or perhaps dining with the crew? He wished he’d thought to set a clock on his omnitool to _Normandy_ time. 

The whir of the machine heating up made his breath catch a moment before he was being scanned. Shepard came into view just ahead of him. 

_[Admiral, is there a problem?]_

“No,” he answered. “Though, I thought it important to contact you immediately following my meeting with the Admiralty Board on your promotion.”

 _[They deny it?]_ She asked, her arms crossing under her breasts as she leaned her weight on one leg. 

“No,” he answered. He took a moment to calm his nerves, the sight of her making his blood rush.

 _[So you called to tell me my three rank jump to Rear Admiral is complete?]_ She snorted. _[Email works just fine.]_

“Five,” he told her roughly. “Five rank jump.”

_[I beg your pardon?]_

That was not the wording he expected, in fact it was far worse when she became polite. “You now hold the rank of Admiral,” he told her, nearly calling her Commander. That would be a hard habit to break. 

Even through the QEC he could see the extra color in her cheeks as her blood pressure rose. _[Is this a way to control me, Admiral? You think I’ll just leave my ship, my crew, and drop to your feet?]_

Hackett swallowed down the rising aggravation. He hadn’t thought it through, his own surprise at the Board’s decision had clouded his judgement. Of course she would think he was trying to have control over her. She never did well being controlled. He had planned to present her with options, not dumbly hand her a gilded cage. 

_[I don’t know how many times I’ve told you,] _she spoke into his silence. _[I don’t drop to my knees because I’m told to or because it’s expected of me!__ ]_

_“Shepard,” he tried, her growl sending a warning ripple down his spine._

__[Fuck. You.]_ _

_Then she was gone._

__Well, fuck_ , he thought, as he stared at the empty space her digitized form had been. He couldn’t have messed that up more if he had mapped it out and tried. He blamed her in part. How long had it been since they had spoken? How long had she been playing this game with avoiding him? He was no pawn, either. She wasn’t someone who wanted to be controlled? She wasn’t going to drop to her knees at anyone’s feet? Well, neither was _he_. _

_He stood abruptly and left the QEC as he made his way back to his temporary quarters to finish packing. He’d spent far less time on Earth than he had expected and his return to New Arcturus couldn’t come soon enough. If he was lucky, he’d get back to his office before Hannah messed up his organization._

* * *

_Shepard couldn’t fucking believe it. “Joker!” Fucking Hackett and his need to fucking meddle._

__[Yes, Commander?]_ His nervous voice came through._

_“Set a course to Omega,” she ordered roughly. “Oh, and it’s fucking Admiral now.”_

__[Shit, shit, shit,]_ came the reply. _

__[Jeff, you haven’t deactivated the intercom.]_ _

_The line went dead but Shepard could still hear Joker freaking out from the helm while she waited for the elevator to open. If she wasn’t so angry, utterly _livid_ , then she’d laugh. Right now though, all she wanted to do was strangle someone. She was wound too tight, this was just too fucking much. With a growl she turned toward the maintenance stairs. “How _fucking_ long does it take a _fucking_ elevator to go three _fucking_ floors?!” She called out._

_“It’s the trifecta, EDI,” Joker said just as she entered the small opening to the stairs. “Warn the crew.”_

__What the fuck was the trifecta?_ _


	15. Chapter 15

With a tortured sigh, Hannah collapsed into Admiral Hackett’s chair to begin her work day. After the big hush-hush mission he’d disappeared on, Hannah had been more than happy to return to the _Orizaba_ and the duties that came with it. There was no way in hell she’d take a promotion that left her doing Hackett’s job. 

As it was, she no longer wondered why he hadn’t settled down by now. This job of his was demanding. 

And his desk! Hannah scoffed. How the hell did he get anything done with it being so messy? David had been much the same, and she knew for a fact that Jane didn’t have a tidy bone in her body outside of that girl’s weapons and armor. It wouldn’t surprise Hannah in the least to find Jane’s current quarters as messy as they had been when she was a teenager. Hannah sighed wearily, she was surrounded by messy people. One that ran the entirety of the Alliance, and one that saved life as they knew several times over.

Genius is messy, she reminded herself as she began to declutter the desk. She’d only be there for a few days this time, but she absolutely could not work in these conditions. 

One datapad caught her eye as she was organizing simply because it had her daughters name on it.

> __
> 
> _Unclassified Alliance:  
>  • Skillian Blitz (Accommodations and Metals attached)  
> • Special Forces Training: N7 designation  
> • Torfan  
> • Stationed on Normandy under Capt. Anderson  
> • Became First Human Spectre  
> • Became Capt. of the Normandy.  
> • Terra Nova  
> • Saved encampment of biotics  
> • Crpl. Tombs saved and in Alliance Custody (Cerberus intel retrieved)  
> • Dealt with terrorist (Name and place retracted)  
> • Recovered sensitive intel  
> • Destroyed Collectors  
> • Warned against Reaper invasion  
> • Saved numerous colonies, people, supplies during the war  
> • Led the ground teams to retake earth AFTER uniting the various species.  
> • Defeated the Reapers.  
> • Donated New Arcturus to Alliance Military (Admiral Hackett)_
> 
> _Unclassified Spectre:  
>  • First human Spectre  
> • Cleaned the businesses in the wards of criminals.  
> • Assisted STG in destroying a base filled with abominations.  
> • Saved Prothean expert, and kept her safe.  
> • Lessened tensions between species by taking Turian, krogan, and asari onto an Alliance vessel.  
> • Retrieved sensitive information. (Multiple times.)  
> • Found and returned dozens of artifacts to respective species. (Insignia’s, writings, dogtags, etc.) allowing many families to have closure.  
> • Personally handled delivery of prisoner.  
> • Escorted high profile person to safety.  
> • Saved the life of Councilors Sparatus, Valern, and Tevos after Saren took the Citadel.  
> • Took down rogue Spectre Arterius.  
> • Commander Shepard was the ONLY reason a Council seat was made available to humanity. Her chosen Councilor sworn in hours later.  
> • Made all Cerberus information available and transparent while using said organization for their resources.  
> • Cleaned up the ranks of C-Sec.  
> • Saved the life of a politician.  
> • Stopped an assassination attempt.  
> • Brought a turian, salarian, quarian, asari, drell, and krogan aboard the Cerberus colored Normandy.  
> • Stopped the Collectors.  
> • Hand delivered damning information on Cerberus for a multi-species op.  
> • Gathered needed evidence on the Reapers.  
> • Instructed her crew to prepare their people before Shepard returned to Earth.  
> • Gave us 6 months to prepare quietly.  
> • Rescued Primarch Victus.  
> • Stopped a Cerberus coup on STG world.  
> • Rescued fertile krogan female.  
> • Cured the genophage. (with Mordin Solus)  
> • Prevented a Cerberus coup on the Citadel.  
> • Once again saved the lives of Councilors Sparatus, Valern (Thanks to Thane Krios), and Tevos.  
> • Aided countless civilians and military alike in the war against the Reapers.  
> • Saved fuel refineries.  
> • Destroyed Cerberus and took over their base for the war.  
> • Created peace between Krogan and salarians. Krogan and turians. Geth and Quarians. Terminus and Council space.   
> • United a galaxy.  
> • Stood front and center to lead the biggest war in our shared histories.  
> • Single handedly activated the Crucible. Won the war.  
> • Led C-Sec from a hospital bed.  
> • Led rescue operations on the Citadel from a hospital bed.   
> • Donated supplies and buildings/stations to help rebuild on various planets once the relays were functional.  
> It should be stated that while many of these actions aren’t ‘achievements’ in the traditional sense, they are what turians would call an _Act of Honor_ and thus should be treated just as highly. It is thanks to Commander Shepard that we are all here today: To her determination, loyalty, courage, and commitment to the people of this galaxy. I would also personally like to note that while these are the unclassified notes, there are many, many more that are not. The Commander’s work has shown time and again that her only goal is safety and peace for us all as a people, regardless of species. -Councilor Sparatus_
> 
> __

A hard exhale left Hannah as she slumped into her temporary chair. She knew Jane was busy, but to have such a list of accomplishments in a few short years? That didn’t even include the classified ops, and Hannah knew there were likely just as many if not more.

In all honesty, Hannah had thought the reason Shepard took other species on board her ship was because it pissed off Udina. It wasn’t surprising to hear that Udina had been Cerberus.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she returned to the task at hand. Making Hackett’s workspace workable. _Fuck._ What a mess. Of course she’d never say that aloud lest her daughter ever hear her curse. Jane didn’t need to know where she got a filthy mouth.

* * *

Omega was still the shithole it was the first time Shepard had stepped foot on the place. It was a little brighter, for security, but it still smelled like piss. She would be lucky her clothes would wash the smell out depending on how long she stayed. 

Making her way through Aria’s personal docking, Shepard spotted several familiar faces. Bray being one, likely charged with being Shepard’s bodyguard since Aria knew the Spectre was dropping in for a very specific reason. It wasn’t until Bray was in her space that she wondered if Aria didn’t have time to aid her. 

“Commander,” Bray said quietly. Shepard didn’t bother to correct him on her new rank since it wasn’t even a day old. “Aria said I was to deliver you to her immediately.”

Goosebumps covered her arms as she gave Bray a nod. There were very, very few people that Shepard could trust when things got bad enough that she needed the extra attention. It wasn’t something she normally did, hell, it wasn’t until that stint with Cerberus that she learned she needed an outlet. Aria had offered, Shepard had been a pretty bad headspace and agreed. It turned out to be the best stupid decision she’d made.

Bray led Shepard though various tunnels, some she remembered, others she did not. It wasn’t the way to Afterlife, she knew that. When an elevator opened and Bray stepped aside, she entered. “She’s waiting for you.”

“Thanks, Bray,” she told him with a forced smirk. The tension in her body was painful. 

When the elevator finally came to a stop, it opened up into a rather lush apartment. She was so engrossed in taking in the details that was so unlike Aria, she missed the biotic attack on her flank that sent her hurling into the back of a white couch.

“You should know better than to let your guard down,” Aria told her. Shepard could hear the gloating.

All the anger she’d pushed down came rumbling to the surface. With a growl, Shepard stood. Aria’s little victorious smirk was the last thing Shepard wanted to see. Shepard had limited things she could do as an infiltrator, but disappearing was one she rathered enjoyed. 

Activating her cloak, she circled Aria while counting down until her cloak dissolved. The only problem was, Aria had hundreds of years of battle experience. Even though Shepard wiped that stupid smirk off her face, and replaced it with a small strip of purple blood, Aria still flung her around like a ragdoll.

This was the way it went between the two. Biotics versus tech, jabs versus kicks until Shepard had worn herself down to only being able to fight in spirit. Sometimes it took only minutes, others it took hours. 

By the time Shepard’s body reached the point of exhaustion, the white furniture had red and purple stains, once of which Shepard was staring at while she tried to catch her breath. 

“You had enough, Shepard?” Aria asked, her voice laced with authority and concern as she patiently waited for Jane’s answer.

“Yes,” she replied shakily.

The next step was the one she came for. It wasn’t that Shepard wanted to physically wear herself out in sparring, it was just the only way to wear her down enough to be open. The mask of a leader was hard to shed.

“Get in position,” Aria ordered. 

Lifting herself from the battered couch, she clumsily crawled to the center of the rug, her body shaking in exertion and internal energy her body couldn’t keep up with. Sitting on her legs, she let her chin drop to her chest and rest her hands palms up on her thighs. It was the position of surrender.

“What happened?” A sob shuddered through her body at Aria’s soft words. “What’s brought you to this point this time, Shepard? I haven’t seen you since during the war.” _What hasn’t happened?_ Shepard thought before a hand gripped her hair and tugged hard. “Do we need to continue sparring?”

“No,” Shepard replied, her voice rough with pent up emotions.

“Have I broken your trust in some way?”

“No,” she whispered. 

Aria released her hair before gently running her fingers through it. “You carry much more this time,” the asari guessed. “Yet you hesitate to share your burden.” Aria squatted in front of Jane to meet her eyes. “Is that not what we are here for? To share your burdens so you aren’t carrying them alone?”

A tear fell as Shepard answered. “Yes.” Pain, comfort, release. That’s what she’s here for. “My birth father was…” she hesitated. Cerberus had killed Aria’s daughter.

“I already know,” Aria replied with a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “But you need to say it and I will listen..”

“My father was the Illusive Man,” she said softly, her throat tight with emotion. “And I had to put a bullet in his head to activate the Crucible to end the war.” Aria’s eyes widened momentarily before she closed her eyes. Shepard understood, she really did. Aria was taking in a victory. “And I knew he was my father when I did it.”

“Indoctrinated?”

“Yes.” 

“Then you are hardly to blame,” Aria told her gently. “Go on.”

“David died next to me, his last words were that of a father,” Shepard told her as the tears began to fall in earnest. “I fell in love and he walked away.” The sobs shook her body as Aria wrapped Jane in a tight hug. “I had to kill three clones.”

“Clones?” Aria asked, her voice confused.

“An adult, a child, and a baby,” Shepard wailed as vision of tiny toes filled her thoughts. “They were me.”

“Goddess,” Aria whispered. 

Their relationship had been long and tumultuous and it had taken many twists and turns to lead it to where it was at present. Aria was many things to Shepard. Most significant amongst them could best be described as: confidant, rival, friend and lover. And maybe most importantly: equal. Her relationships puzzled many and would continue to do so, she figured, throughout the rest of her life. But it was in very few places in the vastness of this universe where she felt safe enough to breakdown like this, and in the company of even fewer people. 

Aria moved closer toward Jane, the asaris body creating a shield.. “They were me,” Shepard repeated as her body fell into Aria’s waiting embrace. “I was them and they were me.”

* * *

Later, when Shepard awoke alone in Aria’s bed, she helped herself to a gown out of the Queen of Omega’s large closet and padded out in her bare feet to the main living area of the apartment.

All signs of their struggle had been removed. How Aria’s people had gotten the blood stains out of the cream-colored furniture was a complete mystery to Jane. Although she wouldn’t put it past Aria’s extravagance to have had new sofas delivered while she slept.

“Humans,” she heard Aria’s voice before she finally saw her standing in the kitchen. “Usually look so ridiculous in asari gowns, but you…”

Shepard felt a blush heat her cheeks. It was not from the compliment but from the memory of how she had broken down and laid bare herself. She didn’t fear teasing or recriminations from Omega’s Queen, but she wondered just where she was supposed to pick up from where she had left off.

Aria, with her centuries of experience behind her, made it easy. “And _blushing?”_ Her voice was excited as she sashayed toward Jane. “I don’t know why you bothered getting dressed if you were just going to make me want to _undress_ you.” 

She could feel the heat of Aria’s body as she came to stand before her. Sex was a large and important facet of their relationship and they had been too exhausted both physically and emotionally last night for the evening to culminate with anything other than sleep. Jane’s body reacted to the asari’s nearness and her bottom lip fell open as she prepared to very willingly concede to Aria’s advances.

“Not yet, my pet,” Aria said, kissing her quickly and deeply. “We must eat.” She explained, pulling away from Jane with genuine remiss in her eyes as she slowly licked her lips.

“Why can’t we do both?” Jane asked innocently but with a devilish smirk.

Aria’s face darkened with lust and her expression turned serious. “I don’t believe in gods, but for many years I thought myself punished or smited by...something. The universe at the very least.” She reached out and ran the backs of her fingers along Jane’s cheek, drawing Shepard’s eyelids down and closed with the soft, gentleness of her touch. “Until it gave me you.”

* * *

It was an odd thing to need to get the crap beat out of oneself so said person could finally break enough to start healing. But here she was, sitting in the bar in the VIP section, sipping some drink a salarian whipped up for her to try.

“Fruity,” Shepard told him. “But with a spicy kick in the aftertaste. Not bad.” She hummed as she took another sip trying to pinpoint the fruit. It was strange. “Kind of kooky.” The salarian typed on his omnitool before returning his gaze to her, waiting. “I’m not really a fan of mixed drinks, but I’ve got to say, the punch this carries after the sweetness is pretty damn good. What do you call it?”

“The Shepard,” the salarian commented as he closed down his omnitool with a smile. Shepard chuckled roughly. 

“Considered me humbled,” she told him before taking the last drink. “Anything else you want me to try?”

“No,” the bartender answered. “Worked for months on this. Think it’s finally ready to add to menu.”

“In that case, I’ll take another.”

It was hard to watch her crew drink themselves into a stupor without their normal excited energy. Most of them had already left to return to the ship. The thing about healing was that it took time whereas the blow to ones soul took seconds. 

There was a lot going on in her own mind at the moment. While her _therapy_ with Aria had left her feeling less frazzled and more focused, she still had a lot to think about. 

_Tell the Alliance to go fuck themselves,” Aria whispered against her ear as they made their way to the apartment door. “It’s past time you do something for yourself instead of being ordered about. You are a Queen, just as I am.” Jane snorted. “You laugh but it’s true, you need only look in the mirror and adjust your crown.” After a few moments, Aria spoke once more. “Let the past go, Jane. Focus on yourself and what makes you fulfilled. Find your Omega.”_

Shepard sighed as she watched Zaeed try out one of his famous pickup lines. It was hard to find her Omega when she was surrounded by constant and distracting buzzing noises. 

A sympathetic hiss left her when the sound of the asaris hand landing across Zaeed’s face reached her ears. Poor guy. She waited until he slid into the booth next to her. “Daft bitch doesn’t appreciate class,” Zaeed grumbled.

“Class? Is that what you call it?” Shepard asked.

“It worked on you,” the man complained.

Shepard chuckled. “That’s because I’m horribly perverted and would probably spread my legs for a decent looking fuck if I was horny enough.”

“You horny?” Zaeed asked hopefully.

“I just got fucked by the Queen so I’m good,” Shepard replied with a smirk.

“Could have invited me, Shepard.”

“I don’t share.” Shepard tilted her head waiting for Zaeed to look back in her direction. When he did, she spoke. “I hear Grizz is looking for some stress relief and he doesn’t care what sex organs you have.”

“It’ll do,” Zaeed replied before downing his shot and bidding Shepard goodbye. The old merc had been an enjoyable fuck, but he wasn’t what she wanted. Neither was Aria even if the asari had offered herself to Shepard without so many words. It was tempting but she and Aria were too much alike. They’d end up killing each other eventually. It wasn’t love exactly that Jane felt for Aria. There was some, don’t get her wrong, but there was a helluva a lot of respect. 

Shepard wanted Hackett. 

But that was something she couldn’t let herself think about, there was already too many things to make decisions about and that was what she needed to focus on.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies once again, loves. I have no excuse but laziness this week.
> 
> * * *

_Virmire._ Just thinking the word caused a nervous shudder to run across Jane’s shoulder blades. But here she was. As soon as the _Normandy’s_ outer hatch opened, she caught sight of Liara down on the tarmac waiting. _Trust me._ She had said and Shepard did.

A quick greeting; hustle and bustle. Workers, construction... It was chaotic _everywhere_ as Liara rushed her through the bones of the main facility. Shepard wasn’t a dreamer perse, she couldn’t see the bones of a building and imagine what it would look like or what she’d want it to look like. She was more strategic than anything. She could read a battlefield and have a battle plan in seconds, but building something from nothing? That was not in the list of Shepard’s know-hows. 

While the crew waited for them near the landing site, Liara gave her a tour before taking her to an executive area where a massive model lay out on a large conference room table.

Jane looked down at the rendering. “The Jane Shepard Hospital & Recovery Center?”

“You don’t like it?”

"I don't want my name on it,” Jane balked and then regretted her words when she saw the disappointment flash across Liara’s face. “I mean, this is all great.”

‘Really? Do you like it all?”

“It’s amazing. What you’ve done in such a short time, really it is. It’s just…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Liara interrupted. “I suspected you wouldn’t want it named after you. I can think of something else.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, perfectly. But, how about just one of the buildings, then?" Liara asked as she looked over the expanse of the model. 

"Yeah,” Jane shrugged, looking at the multitude of buildings that were slated to be constructed. “That'd be alright."

Liara’s face lit with excitement. "Which building?" 

Jane leaned over the large rendering and traced her finger along the map of the facility's campus and the name of each building. "This one," she said, pointing resolutely. 

Liara looked. “Shepard! You can’t be serious.”

“What? It’s perfect. All I ever do is clean up people’s shit anyway, right?”

“Jane,” Liara replied, her tone exasperated. Shepard shrugged, her smirk challenging Liara to disagree with her last statement. “Fine.”

“Yay!” Shepard exclaimed with a smile. “Now can we tour my new digs?”

* * *

The first thing Shepard noticed was that her new home wasn’t exactly like she’d imagined. In fact, it was absolutely nothing like she’d imagined. Instead of one large home to accommodate not only herself but her crew, it was instead a village.

The center building was more or less a fake check-in complete with Kelly Chambers at the desk. With promises to check in later, Shepard and crew followed Liara into a large elevator.

“Li,” Shepard started as the elevator began its descent, “Not that I’m complaining but this isn’t what you implied when you told me you were building me and my crew a home.”

Liara’s small smile held a hint of mischievousness. “I know.” As soon as the doors opened, Liara began the tour. “No home is complete without an underground bunker. However, your bunker includes special amenities.”

The hall opened up into a large room that had plush furniture. There was an old Earth style pool table, a ping-pong table, some really old school arcade games and a few things Shepard didn’t recognize. They were probably for other species.

A room off to the side held a huge holo screen and reclining seats. Another room for dining and a kitchen. There was a room dedicated solely to an insane amount of honest-to-goodness books. 

“And down these stairs leads to a fully stocked armory,” Liara said. “That leads to a range, a gym, and a swimming pool.”

Shepard whistled, “All this and no office and QEC?”

Liara blushed. “There’s a door behind a bookcase that leads to a secure office.”

Before Shepard could tease the asari, Liara was ushering them all back onto the huge lift. As soon as they were back into the check-in area, Liara worked quickly on her omnitool. “There are twenty-four bungalow’s,” Liara explained. “I’ve assigned each of you your own.”

“You expect me to not bunk with EDI?” Joker grumbled.

“Of course not,” Liara replied. “Couples are assigned to the same home.”

“I don’t know about you guys,” Shepard said. “But I’m feeling really fucking spoiled.” Agreements arose but still without the excitement her team had been lacking since the last time they were here, when Shepard had to deal with her clones. Stepping back out into the sunshine, Shepard closed her eyes and inhaled the salty air before she sighed happily. 

“Alright, what’s our next assignment?” This from Garrus as the crew awaited her answer.

“Seeing how I’ve got a life-altering decision to make on my future, I figure I’ll need some time to process,” Shepard answered before turning to face her crew. “Now, I know you guys have been worked hard these last few months and I also know that we thrive under pressure. This time though, work hit us harder than we’re used to.” Heads nodded in agreement. “I made the executive decision to give us all two weeks of shore leave.”

Jaws dropped and heads whipped up where some had been wallowing in their own thoughts. “What Liara hasn’t told you is that your new ‘vacation’ home is yours free and clear as a thank you from me. It’s set up, filled with supplies, and awaiting your families. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to your new home away from home.”

“Lola,” James questioned, his voice unsteady. “You built us homes? To bring our families? A permanent home?”

“I did,” she answered. “I thought we’d all have a nice big palace but I think Liara did one better and gave us all a stretch of our own beach.”

“How do we thank you for that?” Steve asked, his blue eyes brighter with tears.

“Your loyalty, your support, and your friendship through these last years was thanks enough, Steve.” Shepard’s throat tightened when James pulled a crying Steve into a rather intimate embrace. She hoped Liara bunked them together. Who was she kidding? Of course the Shadow Broker bunked them together. 

“You all have your own ATVs parked in your garages,” Liara told them. “For now, I will take you all to your new homes and arrange to have your families moved if that is what you wish. Contact them and let Ms. Chambers know what you decide.”

Once her crew had boarded the bus transport, Shepard turned to face Liara. “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

“You saved my life the first time I saw you,” Liara answered easily, her eyes shining with fondness. “You supported me, taught me, and answered every time I called. Now it’s my turn to take care of you.” Shepard hugged Liara, her emotions near overwhelming. “It’s time to make choices for yourself, Shepard. No matter what you choose, this is your home.”

“Thank you,” Shepard whispered.

* * *

Choice. Decision. Finale.

No matter the word she used it was scary as fuck. That was probably what brought her here, to the ruins of the facility Kaidan had died in. The place where he’d died was dust because of the bomb, his body long recovered by the Alliance. She imagined there hadn’t been much left. But that was a dark hole she didn’t want to take herself into.

Instead, she stood among the rubble and remembered Kaidan’s selfless sacrifice. His demand to get Ash and get the hell out. Just like that, no hesitation in his life ending decision. 

Kicking her armored toe against a piece of cement revealed a black, broken piece of familiarity. It was familiar because she had gone over every detail before she bought it, like she did with all the others, like she always did. A quiet shaky breath left her as she heavily dropped to her knees and lifted the piece from the ground.

Kaidan’s shoulder pad.

Always the counselor, the confidant. And it would seem even years after his sacrifice, Kaidan still gave her his two credits. 

“I hear you, Alenko,” she said thickly, a small chuckle forcing its way out as she gripped the pad tight. “You always knew what I wanted even when I didn’t, didn’t you, Kaidan?” Wind blew, the dirt and sand spinning around her. “Yeah, of course you did.” Raising her eyes away from the shoulder pad, Shepard spoke out towards the rubble. “We won but not without the cost of losing many we loved, including you. It’s been so long,” she started only for a sob to break free. “It feels like lifetimes and I guess it has been for me.” Wearing full armor in radioactive rubble was mandatory, but crying meant she couldn’t clean her face off. “But I made you a promise: Your family is alive and Liara is offering them a home here.” Shepard stood and cleared her throat. “Rest in peace now, Kaidan, you’ve more than earned it.”

A thought entered and before she could stop it, she spoke. “One more thing, seven minutes and sixteen seconds is damn good for a quickie.” Shepard chuckled as the dust swirled again before everything settled.


	17. Chapter 17

Tuchanka.

Shepard inhaled the hot, desert air of Tuchunka. Looking around, it seemed that much progress had been made since the last time she visited, but it was still a stark contrast to the crystal clear water and the white sand beaches of Virmire. 

“Why are we here again?” Garrus asked curiously.

“Just to check in on my boys,” Shepard replied. “And maybe hunt a maw or two.”

“It has been a while since we got to shoot at anything,” Tali complained. “It’s getting boring when they just surrender.”

“Chitika get new upgrades?” Shepard asked, her brow raised when Tali ducked her head. “Uh huh,” Shepard teased. “All these new upgrades and no baddies to test them on got you stressed, Tali? I know a sure fire way to reduce that stress.”

“I’m not sparring with you, Shepard,” Tali replied, her accent thickening because of her embarrassment.

“I was thinking more along the lines of sex.” Shepard smirked. “With Garrus.”

Garrus perked up, “Sex?”

“Oh, Keelah,” Tali grumbled before she took off in agitation and unease, leaving two chuckling teammates behind.

“Still not used to how normal it is to talk about sex, even after all these years,” Shepard commented before she loosed a fond sigh. “I love that kid. I hope she never changes.”

“Come on, Mama Shep,” Garrus said with a bump of his shoulder to hers. “We better go make sure she doesn’t start headbutting krogan.”

“Can’t keep your mate in line, Garrus?”

“Nope,” he answered easily, his mandibles fluttering in humor. “That’d be suicide.”

Shepard couldn’t help but agree.

* * *

“I got the feeling this hunt is more than just a fun reunion,” Wrex commented as the Tomkah hit every pothole in the universe. 

Shepard winced when her back hit the side of the vehicle on a rough turn. “First, you should have let me drive!” Wrex only smirked at her.

“And second?” He asked when she paused too long for his liking.

“I’ve got some things to figure out where my future is concerned.” Liara’s offer, Aria’s advice, and the Alliance promotion. So fucking much to figure out. A particular rough bump nearly forced her across the space and into Wrex’s lap. “Grunt! You don’t need to hit every fucking hole! Humans are squishy and lightweight!”

“He doesn’t drive any worse than you, Shepard,” Wrex told her with humor. “Taught him myself.”

“Is this payback?” Shepard asked, shock no doubt clear on her features. “I told you to buckle up, Wrex! The Alliance wanted to see how well the Mako did flying off a cliff!” Wrex stared at her, unimpressed. “You fucking volunteered for that mission knowing what I was doing!”

The sudden braking easily tossed Shepard right on to Zaeed’s lap, her pained groan no doubt fogging up the armor on his leg. “Fancy a ride, Shepard?” Zaeed flirted, some of the old teasing spark glittering in his eyes that had been missing since the clones.

“I’m gonna need to be carried before we even get to hunt a maw,” she complained as Grunt left the drivers seat.

“How’d I do, Shepard? Wrex said I drive just like my Battlemother!”

Fucking Wrex and his fucking hatefully sweet words. “Did great, son,” Shepard grunted out as she hefted herself to her feet. “How about we take down a maw or two?”

“Heh. Heh. Heh.”

* * *

Returning to camp hours later, Shepard couldn’t help but feel a little more like her old self. Happily tired, muscles aching, throat sore from yelling, and her teammates jibes flowing in every direction. 

There hadn’t been much time to take in the changes to the new and improved Urdnot camp when they landed. Wrex had wanted to hunt as soon as Shepard left the ship. So when they exited the Tomkah and boarded an upgraded version of a ground vehicle, she was a little surprised.

Wrex spoke while Shepard watched the landscape change. New roads meant better transportation. Desert turned to lush vegetation as they neared the old ruins. They weren’t going as far out as Shepard had during the war, but it was in the same direction.

It wasn’t long until the setting sun glinted off of freshly built buildings. Homes, businesses, security, and a newly finished hospital. 

“This is going to be our Capitol once it’s finished,” Wrex commented as they were waved passed security. “Bakara has set up a dinner where most of our clan, and some others, will be in attendance.” Shepard tensed, she hated political functions. Wrex, as usual, sensed her reservations. “Just a family dinner, Shepard. Not very often we get to have our brothers and sisters of the _Normandy_ here.”

“I take it you’ve already informed Joker?”

“I let Bakara do all that,” Wrex grumbled. “I was just supposed to keep you busy while she got it set up.” Dining in armor was not something she enjoyed doing but she would suffer for the old krogan. 

When Traynor met the group at the door, Kenneth holding a crate behind her, Shepard was surprised. “A change of clothes,” Traynor explained. “Just Alliance casual.”

“ _You_ are a lifesaver again, Sam,” Shepard told her with a genuine smile. “Always showing up when I least expect it.” Shepard was still laughing about that damned toothbrush.

Hours later, hunger and thirst sated, Shepard relaxed on a pile of furs. She couldn’t help but smile as her eyes began to droop, the warmth from the tiny beings around her lulling her into sleep. 

If anyone told her five years ago that she would be in a nest with seven krogan infants piled on top and around her while easily fifty other krogan were talking and laughing… Well, Shepard would have laughed in their face. To have earned so much trust from such a powerful species was aweing.

If there was a heaven, surely being snuggled by her nieces and nephews would be it..


	18. Chapter 18

There were times, like now, that Shepard wished there was seating in the QEC while she waited for Hackett and Hannah to finish the debate Shepard hadn’t fully grasped yet.

[If I’m getting promoted, then where the hell are you putting me?] Hannah asked. Shepard’s brow rose, she didn’t know her mother cursed.

_[I haven’t decided yet,]_ Hackett replied. _[When Shepard makes her decision on the duties she wants to take. Then I’ll have an answer.]_

_Wait, what?_ “What do you mean decide on duties?” Shepard asked, finally entering the conversation she’d been watching for the last ten minutes.

_[Had you given me a chance to explain,_ ] Hackett started somewhat angrily before he visibly calmed himself. _[You’ve avoided me so I was a little blindsided by you taking my call and from my meeting with the Admiralty Board. Did you get my email or are you avoiding my mail too?]_

[Why are you avoiding Hackett?] Hannah asked.

Shepard ignored the question as she scanned through her messages. There were literally thousands. “EDI, can you organize my messages. I can’t sift through a thousand emails to find one.”

[Of course, Admiral,] EDI replied. 

[Admiral?] Hannah asked, her voice somewhat annoyed. [When did that happen?]

_[When I went to the Admiralty Board,]_ Hackett answered patiently. 

[Your messages are now separated by importance and by name,] EDI interrupted.

“Thanks, EDI,” Shepard said before she read the email. “I did not actively avoid your email, Admiral,” Shepard told him. “I get hundreds of messages a day on this account.” Hackett was giving her choices? Options to take what duties she wanted and to work from where she wanted? That was practically freedom. “I’m going to need time to decide,” She finally said as she looked back to Hackett. “I have these options and several others to consider.”

_[What other options?]_ Hackett asked quietly. 

She could lie here, or say it was classified. Really, she didn’t want the complications that came with that and if Aria had taught her anything, it was that it was okay to just share sometimes. “I’ve been offered a position as the Shadow Broker’s right hand man, my own fleet, ship, people… you name it, it’s mine.”

[Shadow Broker!?] Hannah screeched.

“My own station, nearly as big as Omega,” Shepard continued. “But in Council space, Blue Suns backing thanks to the new leader.” Hackett hadn’t said anything but his posture was tense, even through the glow of a QEC. “Or retire completely, disappear, and live off of my investments courtesy of the Shadow Broker.”

_[The Shadow Broker is just as bad as Cerberus!]_ Hannah said loudly. 

“No, it’s really not,” Shepard answered tiredly. “And I killed Cerberus.”

_[And it’s a good thing you did!]_

_[Hannah…]_ Hackett tried to interrupt.

Her mother had never really been good at listening to unsaid warnings. _[The man that ran that was a monster!]_

Shepard swallowed down the bile that threatened to bubble into her throat. “I’m pretty sure that when I put the bullet in my indoctrinated fathers brain, that it made me the monster.”

Hackett’s head bowed as he shook his head in disagreement but it was Hannah’s startled voice that drew her attention. _[W-what? No, that can’t be…]_ Hannah stuttered. _[Jack would never…]_

“Well he did,” Shepard interrupted. “Jack became the Illusive Man. Jack brought me back from the dead. Jack made clones of me while the Reapers tried to take his mind.” Shepard inhaled shakily. It wasn’t as hard to say this time. “He built me a ship better than the original, gave me a crew that would be loyal to only me, he handed over credits and weapons… Everything so I would win a war while also failing to mention that I was his daughter. Had to find that little tidbit out on my own.” She was on a fucking roll. “He watched me my whole life and I never knew until the Shadow Broker sent me the information. My father trusted the entirety of the galaxy to me, placed that burden on my shoulders, and then forced me to kill him to win the war.”

_[Jane,]_ Hackett’s soft voice interrupted. The same timbre that he had used when he whispered loving words into her ears the last time they were together.

Hannah just stared, disbelieving and somewhat defeated. It was easier to think a past lover just wasn’t interested than it was to believe they headed a terrorist organization and stalked their own child. 

_[I don’t know what to say, I need to process all of this,]_ Hannah muttered distractedly.

Since things were being shared, Shepard figured… what the hell, right? Sharing and caring and healing. “I also had some really enjoyable sex with Hackett,” she commented casually.

Hannahs jaw dropped while Hackett tried and failed to hide a smirk. _[You what!?]_

“This has been fun, great for my mental health.” Shepard said. “But as you know I have some decisions to make about my future so…” She clapped her hands together in front of her. “I should go.”

_[Jane Shepard!]_ Hannah yelled as Hackett burst into laughter.

Fuck it felt good to be back on top. She left the QEC room with a smile she felt in her soul.

* * *

> _  
> Hackett: Will you stop avoiding me now? I miss you._
> 
> _Shepard: I haven’t decided yet but I miss you too. Plan to try to persuade me to the career option you want me to take?_
> 
> _H: I know better than that, Jane. This is something only you can do._
> 
> _S: I hear that a lot._
> 
> _H:I couldn’t help you decide your future when you were five, or twelve, or even eighteen. I can’t help you here. Just… don’t disappear? Please?_
> 
> _S: I really haven’t considered that option. Love my crew too much for that._
> 
> _H: I know you do. Whatever you decide, I’m sure I’ll be swarmed with transfer requests. Or end of service notices._
> 
> _S: What can I say? Sometimes you get lucky and get to choose your family._
> 
> _H: Can we try our personal relationship again, Jane? Start over?_
> 
> _S: I really don’t want to experience hypothermia just for shits and giggles again. But the rest… I’ll think about it._
> 
> _H: That’s all I ask. Now since you so kindly left me to deal with the hysterics of your announcement, I must speak with your mother._
> 
> _S: Just tell her its classified. That’s what I tell everyone._
> 
> _H: That would be unprofessional in this instance._
> 
> _S: Your cum was inside my body._
> 
> _H: Point taken. Talk to you soon?_
> 
> _S: Yes._
> 
> __


	19. Chapter 19

It was freeing to finally decide on what she wanted. Even with her crews complete support it took well over an earth month to figure out exactly what she wanted. And why wouldn’t that decision be hard? Her life had been dedicated solely to the Alliance for years. Then to the Council and the Alliance and that quickly turned into the war of all wars for the entire galaxy.

So… of course it would take time to figure herself out. Not just her career, but herself. Her soul or spirit or whatever the fuck people wanted to call it. She had to figure that part out where her future career was concerned. What would make her the most happy? What would be the most satisfying? Could she lay down her guns and pick up a stylus? Could she run a space station with an iron fist?

Probably yes to all of them if it came down to it, but this time she got a choice. There weren’t Reapers desperately trying to invade the Milky Way, there wasn’t a rogue spectre to hunt down or a terrorist organization to dismantle with her pistol. 

It was just her and her crew. Her loyal, always by her side no matter the decisions she made, crew. 

And when it came down to it, that decision was really fucking easy to make.

With a relieved sigh, and excited flutter of her heart, Shepard pressed send.

* * *

It had been hard not to push or rush Shepard on her decision. Steven knew it was a big life choice, but he couldn’t help but be nervous. All of his own carefully laid plans rested solely on one pair of strong, freckled shoulders. Beautiful shoulders. Exquisite.

He was distracting himself from work. Again. It wasn’t hard to do when he thought about Jane. It had been six excruciating months since he’d last laid eyes on her person. QEC did nothing to show him the way her hair sparkled under the light or the way her eyes twinkled when she was placing bets with her crew.

From what he’d heard, the most recent bet was concerning Shepard’s next move. He’d personally put five hundred credits down on one career path. He was still second guessing himself on that. She hadn’t let on at anytime during their chats on which path she was leaning towards, only that the vote was still out and he’d know as soon as she did. 

It was maddening. But it was so very Jane.

No matter her path, Admiral Steven Hackett would offer her his full support. Even if it didn’t lighten his workload.

A beep of an incoming message snagged his attention when his Jane’s name showed on the screen. His nerves had him loosening the collar of his uniform before he even opened it.

This was it, he told himself as he inhaled and closed his eyes. Whatever her decision, he would honor his agreement. Opening his eyes on the exhale, he quickly scanned the message before his heart caught up with his eyes.

The smile that formed on his lips and the laughter that rumbled from his chest couldn’t be helped. 

He’d placed his bet correctly. He should have bet more.

* * *

Hannah sat in her chair in her office on the _Orizaba_ as she read an email from Jane. She had tried numerous times to reach out to her daughter. Well, tried wasn’t correct, she succeeded. But it was the words Jane used that echoed painfully in her heart.

_This is the most you’ve contacted me. Usually it’s just once a year to make sure I’m alive._

To be fair, Hannah deserved the biting insult. She’d always been too busy to take Jane’s calls or to reply to her messages. Things that could have taken just seconds to do but she brushed it aside much like she had many things involving Jane over the years. 

It wasn’t Jane’s fault in the slightest. It had just been hard for Hannah when Jane turned out more and more like Jack. 

Jack Harper. Hannah sighed mournfully. She had loved that man. And maybe he had loved her in his own way. But Jane… he’d obviously loved Jane with a passion that made Hannah a little jealous. It wasn’t fair of course, to Jane. How was Jane to know when Hannah had remained tight-lipped about her birth father? He’d left before she was born.

He had loved Jane though, he must have to have given so much, to have sacrificed so much in his short life.

Indoctrinated.

Had that been what was wrong with his eyes the last time she had seen him? When he came to end things? 

As angry and heartbroken as she was to learn that the man she loved was the Illusive Man, Hannah couldn’t help but be grateful. Jane was alive. She’d saved the galaxy just as her father had begged her to do, just as the galaxy had too.

And because of Jack Harper, Jane Shepard had finally figured out her future and found happiness with it after so much pain. And that… _that_ was what Hannah was grateful for the most.

Hannah Shepard may not deserve a mother of the year award, ever, but her daughter… Hannah smiled softly remembering soft red hair and pudgy cheeks. 

Jane deserved to have the peace she’d been looking for since the war ended.


	20. Chapter 20

From what he understood, the hospital _Neo Proem_ had opened its doors just over three months ago. He’d thought for sure it would have been years before he’d get the call that his name had come up on the list. Barefaced turians from the Terminus don’t get medical treatment that quickly.

But here he was, sitting in his fancy hoverchair as he watched the people around him. 

There were people from different species, rank, and places… so many people. Nurses flew through on their missions with smiles on their faces, the hospital shined like it had just been cleaned, and the patients were in good spirits. He was too if he was honest. How could he not be? His body had accepted his cloned leg and talons almost immediately. 

It had happened so quickly: The minute he was checked in, his blood had been drawn and numerous tests had been run. Within a week he was being prepared for surgery. A week! They had cloned his missing talons and his leg in a week. When he had asked how it was done so quickly, he was told that thanks to Admiral Shepard, they had all the technical and medical information they needed to grow limbs quicker with a higher chance the persons body would accept them. 

As if saving his life wasn’t enough, Admiral Shepard had made medical advances in cloning limbs.

It was surreal. Insane. And let’s face it, no longer surprising where that tiny human female was concerned. 

As if his thoughts summoned the being, a group of medical staff moved out of the way as a familiar red-fringed woman, a quarian, and _the Garrus Vakarian_ came into view. The signature N7 armor glinted in the sunlight as she spun and took the room in. 

“Commander! I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow!” An asari rushed forward.

“It’s Admiral Shepard now,” the woman replied with a kind smile. “Tomorrow is for the patients and the official tour. Today is for us,” Shepard told the asari as she pointed to the quarian and turian at her sides. 

His view was interrupted by a human male, “Come on Tylon, time to run some tests to see if your leg muscles are ready for therapy.” Tylon grumbled but complied. He’d been given a free pass here, no expense because Admiral Shepard had generous investors. Tylon’s mandible flared out in a smile, Shepard probably personally saved their lives too. He just hoped the staff remembered to give Shepard the letter he wrote to her. Tylon felt it important to convey his thanks.

* * *

__

> _  
> Admiral Shepard,_
> 
> _There is much to say, though I have trouble finding the words to put down. I’m not anyone special, quite the opposite. My name is Tylon Vassis and I hail from Omega. The Talons, specifically._
> 
> _My name was entered into your medical system by my physician, Daniel. It is my understanding that you saved his life during the plague on Omega some years ago. That does not surprise me. What does, is how quickly I was notified that I was given a slot to this medical facility, all expenses paid._
> 
> _I’m a barefaced nobody from the Terminus system. I was a member of an underground gang, even if Nyreen had done good for the people, it was still a gang._
> 
> _While I still wake up every morning in shock, I am eternally grateful. This place has shown me the good in people outside of my own species. Your people here are kind and giving. I find it fitting that the first act of kindness outside my own species was given to me by you, Admiral, the day you saved my life._
> 
> _I doubt you remember and I guarantee you’ve saved many, many lives, so let me tell you:_
> 
> _Cerberus had control of Omega and the Talons were barely hanging on. You would think that Aria’s name would have flown like wildfire through the populace but it wasn’t hers people were murmuring in bunks or at their stations. It was yours: “Commander Shepard is here, and she brought an army.” That of course prompted our leader to investigate. Even though the army belonged to the Queen, it was your name that was whispered to the Spirits to protect._
> 
> _You found me in a small room where I had managed to encrypt the door behind my teammates so that they would have a chance to regroup. I was bleeding out from my mangled leg where I wasn’t fast enough to dodge a grenade. In my deliria, I thought for sure you were a hallucination. Instead, I awakened on a cot in a makeshift medical ward headed by Daniel. I was told that I was brought to him by Bray who acted on the order of Commander Shepard._
> 
> _You saved my life._
> 
> _You gave me my leg back._
> 
> _And now I pledge my spirit to you._
> 
> _It is a Talon custom, an old turian custom very rarely practiced on Palaven. Even barefaced adopt our peoples customs from afar._
> 
> _“When the spirits favor a being and that being gives freely of their own blood, of their own spirit, to their clan and others, they are to be considered Honored by our ancestors. The Honored should not be left to walk alone, nor should they be expected to. They are to be treasured as our Honored Guardian, loved as our matriarchs, honored as our greatest general, and all spirits willingly pledged to the service of the Honored, will in turn be given peace.”_
> 
> _I, Tylon Vassis, do hereby pledge my Spirit to the Honored Guardian, Admiral Shepard. I vow to follow all orders handed down to me by her hand, to care for those under her guidance, and to adopt her sense of spirit into myself as if I were born with it. Honor, Justice, and Compassion will guide us all to glory._
> 
> _Thank you, Admiral, for saving my life and for giving me purpose._
> 
> _Tylon Vassis_
> 
> __

* * *

It was hard to ignore the pain in his leg. Tylon hadn’t expected to receive physical therapy so quickly. And in the water of all things. Didn’t humans know that water and turians don’t mix? With a tired sigh, Tylon made his way to the cafeteria in the hoverchair lane. Hah, he laughed mentally. All hospitals should have hoverchair lanes.

The cafeteria was open all day and it was just after lunch so he didn’t expect there to be many people. The food here was surprisingly good, better than most meals he got out in the Terminus. Nutrient paste had been the most consumed. That was probably another thing to thank Admiral Shepard for: Real food.

Tylong quickly put his food order in on the kiosk. Spirits, hospitals needed those things too. Shepard thought of everything. Did she know how hard it was to balance a tray and drive a hoverchair at the same time? He supposed she did. One doesn’t disappear for two years without recovering from some kind of injury.

When he made his way to his normal table, another spectacular addition in his opinion: Table for hoverchairs, he spotted Admiral Shepard surrounded by what must be her own crew. She sat at the head of the table where a chair had been brought in, Vakarian on her left, and a silver fringed man on her right. No one was in armor which he thought odd. Shepard look a lot smaller without armor.

Shepard had her face buried in a datapad while her crew talked and joked like Tylon assumed they did on a regular basis.

“Hey, Shep? Why can’t you upgrade our food on the _Normandy_?” A male with face fringe asked. There was an odd looking mech standing behind him.

“If I did that then you’d get fat, Joker,” Shepard replied, not even looking up. “And the last thing we need to see is EDI carrying you to the toilet.”

“I would carry you, Jeff, if you needed me to.”

“Okay, shit,” the man replied.

“Exactly,” Shepard returned with a smirk. 

“Here you go, Mr. Vassis,” a human female said as she placed his tray in front of him. “Just press the button on the tray if you need anything or you want more.”

“Thank you,” Tylon replied gratefully. Spirits he’d never met so many nice people.

He was just about to dig into his meal when he heard his name come from a voice he’d never thought he’d hear his name from. “Tylon Vassis?”

Raising his head, he saw Admiral Shepard standing and make her way to him. “Yes, Admiral?”

“Are you the same Tylon Vassis that had this letter delivered to me?”

Did he create some cross-species incident? “Yes, Ma’am,” he replied quietly. Spirits, how can a tiny woman be so scary out of armor?

Tylon watched nervously as the Admiral halted in front of him, across the table. “You gonna make fun of me if I kneel?”

The question confused him but he answered quickly, “No.” It wasn’t until she rested her chin on the table top and looked up at him that he understood. He cleared his throat to hide his amusement.

“I’m pretty good at reading turians, Tylon,” Shepard said, her mouth lifting on one side as Garrus Vakarian made a cutting remark about Shepard’s height. “I can still make you eat mat, Garrus!” Shepard called back. “Now,” she said as she turned her attention back to Tylon, “Let’s discuss this pledge.” Tylon’s mandibles flickered in nervousness before she waved her hand around. “No, I’m not offended, Garrus has made the same pledge so I understand.”

“Oh,” Tylon breathed, his brain dizzying like he’d held his breath too long. He probably did. One does not sit before an Honored Guardian and be able to function normally. “What will you have me do?”

“I’ll need to see a list of your service, Talon’s included, so that I can match you with work. If you choose to stay here?”

“Yes,” he answered quickly. “I mean, I’d like to stay here if I can be of use.”

“I’m sure I can find a place for you, Tylon,” the Admiral replied. “I’ll put you in touch with my assistant as I am still settling in myself. Send her your qualification including everything you did for the Talons even if you weren’t officially trained in it.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he told her. 

It wasn’t until she was back at her table, eating with her crew, that he realized what he was feeling in his spirit was relief. Relief, purpose, energy, excitement, and peace.

He just wished he remembered to ask why the Custodial Building was named after her instead of the entire campus. _The Jane Shepard Custodial Building_. That didn’t make any sense.


	21. Chapter 21

“I am curious, Shepard,” EDI stated from the seat she had sat in more often than not when the ship was in port.

“About what?” Shepard asked before sending off her message to Bau. 

“Why did you choose this life path?”

Shepard smiled as she rested her chin on her hands. “For you.”

“For me?” EDI asked, confusion settling over her metallic features.

“And Joker and Garrus. Tali, Vega, Ashley, Steve, Sam…” Shepard trailed off.

“You made a life decision because of your former crew?”

A soft chuckle left her as she stood and beckoned EDI to the window to look out over the _Normandy_. “I made a life changing turn because of my family,” Shepard explained. “Ashley gets to be the leader I know she can be and my crew get the familiarity of the missions handed down by my order. And most importantly, you all have a home to come back to.”

“But why Virmire?”

“Because this is the place the first casualty of war happened in my personal battle with the Reapers,” Shepard answered softly.

“Kaidan Alenko,” EDI stated.

“And the last casualty.”

“The clones.” EDI was silent for a few seconds before speaking again. “It started here and ended here, both by your hand.”

“Yes,” Shepard confirmed.

“And being here not only honors their losses, but all those in between?”

“Yes.” Shepard smiled as she turned her head to her friend. From the VI on the earths moon, to Cerberus lackey, and finally to one of Shepard’s most trusted. EDI had become far more to the _Normandy_ crew than a simple AI. “And all those I’ve gained.”

* * *

After so many years of being surprised by one Jane Shepard, Hackett thought he’d gotten used to it. Yet here he was, reading over the datapad showing a report from said woman on the SPRECTRES wanting to use Shepard’s new special forces training base and hospital campus as a place to heal and recover. 

And because it was Shepard being Shepard, she had already agreed. There was a new high-security campus being constructed as soon as the land was clear. 

Alliance Admiral controlling her own massive fleet complete with medical, a limb cloning facility that had already grown into what looked like a college campus, managing Spectre locations and operations, Special forces training for not only the humans N programs but a turian program as well…

It blew his mind. 

It wasn’t just the human governments backing either, that’s what really left him dazed. It was the Council, the Hierarchy, the Justicar’s, and even STG. Krogan support went without saying and Wrex had already sent some of his weakest to train in security. Before long, Shepard would have a multi-species planet.

As for the Alliance, well the Admiralty Board gladly had defenses shipped in and installed first thing. Anything to protect their youngest ranking Admiral and humanities first Spectre. 

He shouldn’t be surprised, but he truly was. The woman moved mountains with one look. This… whatever this was. _Everything_. It was just as big as her war against the Reapers. All it took was her focus once she’d decided what she wanted for herself. 

The great thing, other than getting to go to bed with Jane every night, was that he didn’t have to call in Hannah to fill in when he was away. His desk stayed perfectly organized. And Hannah… well she was still upset with him. Whether it was the promotion or that having sex with her daughter… maybe both now that he thought about it. She wasn’t too happy about the desk work, but she had flawlessly taken over just as he expected her to do. Soon enough, the Alliance would be back to what it was before the war.

For now though… There were a few QEC calls he needed to make before he could call it a night. He didn’t understand why Jane insisted on having dinner in the hospital cafeteria every evening, but he wouldn’t complain about not having to clean up another kitchen disaster. Plus, the kids getting new limbs sure enjoyed Jane’s attention. Hackett couldn’t blame them, he enjoyed Jane’s attention too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double update today because I don't want to ruin the suspense haha Not really, it just fit the chapters better to update twice today instead of Double Update Friday.
> 
> Much love to you all!
> 
> * * *

They both rolled out of bed before their respective alarms sounded. She stepped out of the shower by the time he finished perusing the newsfeeds on his private terminal.

“Anything?” She asked, while toweling her hair dry.

It hadn’t been quite long enough to forget, so she still found herself holding her breath for just a fraction of second wondering if some new enemy had risen while they slept. Surely there was someone or something out there thinking: _No, no, no, these mortals were not meant to be so peaceful and happy._

“Nothing,” he replied with a quick kiss to her cheek before hanging his robe on the back of the door and sliding into the shower himself.

She brushed her teeth and got dressed, meeting him in the kitchen by the coffee pot. There, they compared their schedules for the day while they ate something quick and simple. Would they be able to have lunch together? Should he wait for her to have dinner? Was their time for him to slide his hand into her shirt? It was their routine. Comfortable yet never boring. Many days they would not see each other again until very late in the evening. The campus was so large now and their duties so vast and demanding that they somehow didn’t know how they could’ve ended up doing anything else.

“Don’t wait for dinner,” he said, chewing on a piece of breakfast bar. “I have a late conference call with the Council.”

_The Council._ She shuddered. Thank goodness she arranged her duties in such a way to buffer herself from constant exposure to the Council. True, the organization itself had been revamped following the war. More species served on the core committee and even more had been allowed to send representatives to the Citadel. But they were still a pile of bureaucratic bullshit that she avoided at all costs.

“Need me to bring you something?” She asked.

“No, I already packed lunch and dinner.” He grabbed his bag off the counter and pulled her to him. “Happy?” He asked. Another routine.

“Delirious,” she answered, always trying to find another word that fully described how extremely happy she was.

“Delirious?” He repeated, the sparkle in his eyes telling her that he liked the sound of that. He kissed her then, deeply until his bag dropped to the floor and their arms wrapped around each other and their alarms beeped in reminder of their first appointments of the day.

“See you tonight,” she whispered, their foreheads resting against each other.

* * *

Jane shut her terminal down and leaned back in her office chair. Beyond her desk she could look out of the large window behind her guest chairs. There she could watch the bustle of Neo Proem. Outside of her and Hackett’s personal bungalow, she could see the waves crash against the white sands of Virmire, the tall palms dancing in the coastal breezes but here she could see new patients arriving in hoverchairs and gurneys and other patients on the mend walking slowly on the arms of their occupational therapists. And then there were old, familiar faces, like Tylon. Previous patients that even after they were fully healed had decided to stay and serve in their own personal capacity.

Her job was done. This place had become a functioning facility by its own right. The universe, the Council, the Alliance - everything and everyone was finding their new normal. Just like Hackett and her. Every morning, waiting for the news of a new enemy, for the other shoe to drop. She was slowly realizing that even if it did, the part she might play in it had drastically changed. 

There had been hundreds of N7 graduations after hers. Dozens of new Spectres. The _Normandy_ , at this very moment, was on the other side of the universe working a mission without her...again. Tali had built her home on Rannoch. Grunt had a clutch of his own running around. 

“Admiral?” Her assistant had popped her head in the opened door.

“Yes, Sadie?”

“Miranda Lawson is wondering if you have time to meet with her? Your calendar is oddly free for the rest of the day,” the light-haired human girl said, her brow burrowing in confusion. “That is odd, isn’t it?”

Jane smiled. Miranda. The perfect woman had perfect timing. As usual. “Not so odd,” Jane said enigmatically. “I’d been waiting on a call from Doctor Lawson.” 

“Yes, but,” Sadie asked, confusion on her face as Jane stood and walked around her desk to leave. “How’d you know to clear today?”

“Remember when I hired you, I told you there were some things that you shouldn’t question and that you might never understand?”

Sadie nodded.

“This is one of them,” Jane said easily as she patted the girl on the shoulder and walked out.

* * *

“So, it is possible.” It was a statement, not a question. But the possibility, not to mention the words themselves felt heavy with implications on Jane’s lips,

Miranda scoffed. “Is that surprise on your face? I should hope you weren’t doubting me.”

“Not doubting,” Jane stated. “Just...deciding.” She began to pace the room. “It’s a big decision. I only toyed with it, very little, until now.”

Miranda busied her hands at her terminal. It did not escape Shepard how hard it might be for her, this news and all of its possibilities.

“Are you alright?” She asked. “What about-”

“It’s not for me,” she said, like it was a plate of food she was sending back to the chef. She looked up at Shepard not even attempting to hide the pain in her eyes. “My father was very meticulous, he left nothing to chance. But,” she continued, clearing her throat. “Luckily, so was yours.”

It was Jane’s turn to scoff. “He wanted this?”

“It was part of my project deliverables. The only thing I wasn’t sure of was what they had done to you on Earth when they found you after...”

“But it’s...all okay?”

“Yes.”

Jane worried at her lip and turned away from Miranda. She looked out the window of her friend’s office. It overlooked the lab where limbs were regrown and miracles were delivered to broken beings. She felt dizzy with elation and possibilities. But her excitement was dampened by her friend’s disappointment.

“You gave me my sister,” MIranda said behind her. “Not only that, you gave me a life of my own to do with as I please. You were my first friend. You must know how much that means to me.”

“I do,” Jane said, her voice thick with emotion as she turned back to face Miranda.

“I couldn’t be more happy to deliver this news to you. You think it saddens me but it doesn’t.” She took a few steps toward Shepard until they were standing close to one another. Close enough for her to whisper. “I brought you back from death. I gave you another chance to live and I gave the universe a gift by doing so. You often said that you owed me for that, although I never felt you did. I was doing my job and for all the wrong reasons, at that. There is no debt between us as far as I’m concerned. But you may still think that there is. That no matter what my reasons were at the time or who I was working for, you still might owe me something for your second chance. So, this. This news that I deliver to you today. If I can give this to you, you can consider us even.”

Jane nodded, a stray tear escaping from her eye.

“No crying,” Miranda said, raising her voice back to normal. “And no nodding. I want verbal confirmation. This makes us even, right? No more: _Meet the woman who brought me back to life_ , stuff? Deal?”

Jane took a deep breath, releasing those emotions. “Deal.” 

And the two friends shook hands.

* * *

Jane waited until late in the evening before she headed for Hackett’s office. By the time she arrived his assistant was gone and she could hear the muffled sound of his conference call through his closed door. She utilized her credentials to unlock the door and stepped into the large room.

Hackett held his hand up for her to be quiet, only momentarily surprised by her unannounced intrusion. He spoke into the small intercom, “I’ll defer those details to Hannah Shepard with my full support.” Smiling, he hit the mute button as he watched her approach him. “One of my favorite parts of this new life is delegating everything I don’t want to deal with to your mother.”

The voices on the other side of the line droned on as she leaned against his desk facing him. Tilting her head toward the monitor, she asked, “Anything else important happening there?” No matter how badly she wanted to distract him with her news, she didn’t want to cause him any trouble.

“Nothing more important than you,” he said huskily as he moved her to stand directly in front of him and pushed his chair between her legs until she straddled his thighs. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?” He asked, while he ran his hands along her thighs.

_To what indeed._ She had thought long and hard how to broach this subject with him and yet still had no idea how to begin. She thought she might know what his reaction would be, what he would answer. But she wasn’t entirely sure. He was much older than her and had never talked about it as something he wanted. Maybe he counted himself lucky to have found a young woman who seamlessly and wordlessly agreed with his stance on the subject?

“You’re being quiet,” he said, drawing her face down to his and whispering in her ear. “Should I be worried?”

“Maybe,” she replied, tracing the shell of his ear with her tongue. His voice, his hands and her body draped on his was not helping to organize her thoughts.

“Did you burn the cabana down again?”

Of course that would be where his mind went first. Even though there was no malice or teasing in his tone and even though she had caught the kitchen on fire at least a dozen times since they had started to live together, she still got a little offended. “No,” she barked back, pushing her head away from his.

The distance only allowed his deft fingers access to the buttons of her blouse and he was fondling bare breasts and nipples before she could decide if she was really angry with him. Which, of course, she was not. The voices on the monitor went on as she pushed herself up onto his desk so that he could shimmy the trousers off of her legs before he burst out laughing. 

He leaned back in his chair, wiping the sides of his eyes as he tried to contain his amusement. “Well,” he said, catching his breath. “You’ve finally outdone yourself, Jane. Literally.”

She smiled, spreading her legs wide to give him the full effect of the Commander Shepard panties that she had decided to wear today. “Do you like them?” She asked innocently as she provocatively moved her hips.

“I’d have to say,” he replied, running his forefinger beneath the fabric so the back of it brushed against her clit. “They are my new favorites.”

Standing from his lap, she hooked her thumbs in her panties and began to slowly drag them over her hips as Hackett tried to end the call, his eyes on her, his hands clumsily opening his pants to her. Whatever she wanted, he gave.

Before he could do more than push his pants and underwear down his hips, she was on him and taking him inside of her. It took only a moment to be fully seated on him, then she was moving her hips slowly while they both got lost in the sensation of their joining.

He ran his hands across her chest and pulled her in for a kiss. “Why did you come here tonight, Jane?”

There was no hiding anything from him. Good thing she didn’t want to. “Is this not reason enough?” She asked, dipping her finger down onto herself where their bodies met. She would always want to tease him.

“More than enough,” he breathed. His call was over, the connection long since disconnected. She had sat on his desk before him while he had worshipped her with his mouth. She had knelt before him and taken him in her mouth until he pulled at her hair for mercy. And now they rocked against each other, never wanting the end to come. “But there’s a reason,” he continued. “And apparently you don’t like my guesses.”

“Your guesses always assume the worst,” she told him. “I’ve hit another reporter, insulted an ambassador, started a small grease fire…”

His eyes sparkled devilishly. “In my defense, the odds on all those guesses-”

She interrupted him with a searing kiss. Leaning close to him, their lips still brushing as she spoke. She said, “I need a favor.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, my dears. The last installment of this fic. This was co-written with Melpomene21. I have so much fun writing with her since our writing style and ideas compliment each other. Plus, she takes my words and gives them life where they are otherwise, dull. Much love to you Mel!
> 
> * * *

**5 Years Later**

A pained grunt left him when a pointy elbow dug into his ribs. “Ava, don’t use your weapons on your father,” Jane called from inside the house. It still amazed him how she knew what was happening even if all her focus was on the coffee she was making. 

Hackett sighed as the squealing toddler took off after Urz. Ava was favor number two. The first favor that Jane had asked for all those years ago was currently building a sandcastle with his nephew, Mordin. Grunt’s boy. 

“David, honey, we do not eat the sand!” Jane yelled as she carefully made her way to the porch sofa. “That goes for you too, Mordin!”

“But BattleGranny!”

“Don’t eat the sand.”

“It can’t be worse than when Garrus was teaching David how to optimize the toaster yesterday,” Hackett said as he arranged pillows before Jane dropped into the seat next to him. 

“I’m just glad it wasn’t me trying to set my house on fire this time,” Jane grumbled. 

Hackett hummed in agreement as he slid his arm over Shepard’s shoulders. “How’s favor number three treating you?”

“Pretty sure she’s going to be the fighter,” Jane replied with a smirk causing Hackett to groan.

“You assured me that a third favor wasn’t going to change anything,” Hackett faux grumbled. His eyes were on the boys, his hand curved over Jane’s freckled shoulder. This was definitely the life he never knew he wanted. “Just think,” he whispered wistfully, “All it took to get here was hypothermia.”

Shepard snorted, “And character panties,” she added after a moment of silence. Jane pointed her chin with a soft chuckle making him look in that direction. 

Little Ava was curled up on Urz, using his neck as a pillow. It had taken some time, and a lot of nervousness before Hackett had been comfortable leaving Urz anywhere near his children. But just as Shepard had said, Urz thought it his job to keep up with them and Hackett couldn’t disagree. Urz had guarded their beds and let them hang on to his spikes as they learned to walk. He’d been drawn on, laid on, burped up on, and yet the old varren took it all with joy. Hackett was more concerned with how Urz would handle David going to school in a few weeks, but then with favor number three due anytime, he supposed Urz would be busy.

It wasn’t long until various crew made their way over, children running ahead or on their heels to join in on the fun. “Are you happy, Jane?” He asked her.

She sighed blissfully before turning to face him, “Fucking jubilant.”

Hackett smirked. Five years and she still had a new word each time he asked her. “Jubilant enough to show me what character panties you’re wearing today?” Steven whispered in her ear, taking her grunt as confirmation that he still surprised her.

“That would be great,” she whispered breathlessly as his lips skimmed her ear. “But my water just broke.”

Steven jolted back, “What?”

“Favor three coming,” she told him, her face pinched as her coffee cup slipped from her fingers.

“Vakarian, its time!” Hackett called as he stood.

“Time for what?” the turian called back as he hefted a krogan toddler. “Oh! Spirits, I’ll put the call out!”

“Grunt! Get your ass down here and help Hackett get your mother in the transport!” Vega called through Jane’s house. “The baby is coming!”

“Can you stand?” Steven asked as he knelt in front of her.

“No,” she whispered. “Got a favor to ask,” she commented once her eyes met his.

The only three favors she’d asked for had been their three children. “Can’t we get favor number three out before you ask for another?”

“No,” she huffed. “Favor is:” Her grunt cut her off as she breathed heavily. Steven did his best to talk her through it while her former crew was running all over the place while Garrus handed out orders. “Favor is:” She started again breathlessly. “Is to not let me ask for another favor,” she finished with an airy chuckle. 

Hackett sighed with humor, “No promises,” he answered.


End file.
